I Tried Sluttling Around And Realised It Wasnt My Cup Of Tea..

Well, having been brought up that sex is strictly with one person for your entire life and that the person you had sex with was the one you married. It kinda sets you up for all kinds of abuse, one if the relationship is one where sex is not good then that is it.. You're pretty much toast. Which, I was for 16 years. Losing my virginity was a horrific experience and if I was to do it again.. I will make sure its with someone who at least knows what they are doing..lol.So, sex was something I could take it or leave it.. not a big deal.. I kinda felt like a prostitute in a way.. his warped perspective of sex was purely based on the **** available via the various multi-media sites. Having sex, everywhere and whenever.. I didnt know any better.. when you are with a young male adolescent who wants it like all the time.. and me being young at the time thought it was what I was meant to do. So, I guess I learned to BJ really good - practiced it enough times..and judging by the recipients comments since..

So, when the relationship finally came to an end - me walking out. I came across an older person who showed me what it is to be well-loved or bonked - well both really. I mean there's like mad passionate sex like rip each others clothes off and then the slow take your time. It got me in touch with my own sexuality and femininity - for that I am truly grateful to him. Yes, it does help to have a good sexual relationship with someone to help you appreciate what it means to be a woman. (before anyone starts to get pissy - remember this is my story). Having an ****** with someone and a multiple one at that is truly an amazing experience..Hence my appreciation of sex and my self as a woman. Yes, I can give myself an ******..and it helps to know what you want and like and feel comfortable in your body.. so that you can communicate to your potential partner what it is you like and how you like it. I mean we are not all mind readers..seriously. So, in enjoying sex.. I got to like it to that point that I would get grumpy if I didnt get it and this was in my 30's.. totally new experience.. or is this an experience unique to women.. we begin to come into our sexual prime as we age.. so unfair if thats the case..lol That relationship lasted 13 years and I moved on ... with my life.

After moving to a different country, being single for almost 3 years amidst much soul searching and reflecting on my life during the early part of my 40's and wondering when does the fun begin? this fun in your 40's everyone talks about.. I came to realize it in myself.. more self -assured. Don't really give a toss what people think.. I started to relax into myself. So, I pondered the sleeping around thingy or as I call it slutting around. I never did it in my teens or at any time really..As I was single I thought I would give it a go. It was kinda fun. I found that some guys talk about being great lovers and basically a lot of BS.. as I found out. You see, I met with them online they talk big.. so when I met up with them.. was left feeling let down.. like you talk big but there isn't much to you. I didnt want to be wooed.. or wine and dined.. I am used to paying my way..but when you tell me you are some great lover and all well I want to to see and experience it.. So, does size matter? To some extent yes, but it's not the only thing.. what matters is that you know how to use it.. as I had learned. Big means zilch if you cant use it.. I thought what a waste.. on more than a couple of encounters..and I did tell the recipients..

So, feeling disheartened..lol I came across my fiance.. cos I moaned to him about useless males who brag but cant deliver.. if they didn't brag so much then I wouldn't expect it to be great and wonderful. They talked about how great it was for them.. the BJ and all, but I got nothing...lol.. I also realized the slutting around thing didn't really feel all that good.. I guess my upbringing still haunting me. Yes, it was fun at first.. but it just left a sour taste and I felt bad about myself and I got the 4th guy and realized it wasn't for me. They seemed to enjoy it, as I was the one in control and didn't want to take anything from them.. yet they wanted to take me out for dinner and buy me things. All, I can put it down to is that perhaps it was novel that they didn't have to encounter in any mind games. We are adults and we want to have sex - we can talk and get on really well and have common interests.. etc..but it just wasnt for me.

When I came across my fiance, I moaned to him about these guys who talk all this shite and some of them were well-endowed but it was a frecking waste. So, we got together.. and first off.. yes, I was wowed.. Oh my goodness rockets and and .. I guess you can say got my rocks off..or whatever the expression is.. It was pretty much a ****-a-thon weekend. It has been since and has continued to be great and fantastic. Yes, poor guy I am demanding of him.. but he is pretty good about it all.. lucky for me. One thing I have learned is that.. sex is or the whole encounter is more intense when love is present. It is that way for me. I dont know you give more of yourself, you feel more.. kinda like my body becomes a nerve center..Yes, its hard having to go without sex.. especially with him abroad..but what the hell..one makes do with cybersex..lol

So


Tailor Tailor
41-45, F
2 Responses Aug 11, 2010

I could have done with you when I was a teenager, perhaps I could have learned how to satisfy a Lady and not had two failed marriages.

Thank you and yes it does take a while to mature..lol..What is important though is a willingness to listen and learn.. can one develop and move on. Its that state of being defensive or an unwillingness to admit yes, I seriously made a mistake or to accept the consequences of ones actions. Learn and move on. Its when you stay static and ask why me that stunts your growth or achieving your potential..

Just want to say you are a very gorgeous lady.