Want Friends, Don't Trust Or Like Most People...

I think this is the thing when we wonder why we don't have friends. There are so few people that i like and want to hang out with...and then i am lonely. I do like people but in small doses and the ones that want to get close turn me off...i think there must be something wrong with them, of course they are just insecure beings like the rest of us. Friends I have made in the past tend to be people that are borderline abusive. I like the fact that they are attentive and strong and then I get to resent the abusive aspect and distance myself. I am not one for giving people stick, winding people up, teasing people but i tend to gravitate to others that do.

I am in a relationship and i am really myself in relationships - warts and all. I am funny, moody, caring, good company, thoughtful, angry, frustrated, sensitive but 'what a piece of work is a man..' My partner accepts me for who I am but i feel i can't be myself in society, i think society would see me as a mad man. I don't think my partner does though. Maybe.
I try to be myself but it seems noone else is..unless i am just very strange. People seem like they neatly fit into categories defined by the clothes they wear, the jobs they do and the music they listen to. I am scruffy, I am a cultural sponge and I have no real career plan.

So I often prefer to be alone but mostly because i find human beans so confusing.
dereksmalls dereksmalls
36-40
2 Responses Sep 23, 2012

welll i love you at least a bit unloved, thanks for your response. Like that song says, there are more questions than answers the more you find out the less you know. Thats the troube with the internet, we are finding out that we are not as we once seemed.

Nothing is wrong with you, it's them! For the past couple of years, I've become aware of how freaking fake a majority of our society is! I've been suffering from extreme depression, but I'm realizing that I'm not crazy after all...everyone else is. I've discovered that a lot of my "friends" (some family as well) were only friends as long as I met their guidelines.....once I decided to think for myself, they turned on me! Just know that you are not alone. It's a scary world we live in, and the people who are truly "good" are few and far between, but yes, they do still exist...they are just really ******* hard to find! This website is the best thing that's happened to me in a long time, and there are some awesome people here...let this be your " happy place" that you can escape to when things start to really suck ***...that's what I'm trying to do...hoping it really kicks in and gives me a little shelter from the storm that is life. : ).