You Won'T Know Anything Until You Know Everything: Things People With Dementia Say

Here are some of the things patients have said. Sometimes the things that these innocent people say make you want to burst out laughing. Names have been changed to protect privacy (for obvious reasons). Dementia is a very sad thing, but those of us dedicated to the people who have it, try to see the humor in it, so that it is not so depressing. Sometimes the people we care for make us want to laugh out loud. Other times the things they say are downright creepy.

I was trying to explain to a resident why her friends hadn't visited and when she asked me if they called I had to tell her, "I don't know."
To that she responded, "You won't know anything until you know everything."

I was taking a confused patient to her room. She stopped and looked around and then informed me, "We can be pretty in here."

"Hey, John!" a resident yelled to a nurse.
"Yes, Lucy?" the nurse responded.
"Put the motorcycles in the garage, John!"

At one of the tables I was feeding, the residents all sat in a semi-circle. I was feeding someone at the other end of the table while a resident observed me. Finally, she spoke, "You have a square butt...I'd like to spank it."

"I don't like MJ anymore," said a resident who had an apparently former crush on a co-worker.
"Why not?"
"He's running around with Monica the kitchen lady!"

"That MJ waved his panties in my face!" the same resident said on another day.

(I was not around for this one)
The nurse is pulling her medicine cart up to a door when the patient hollers at her.
"Hey, you ***** get in here!"
When the nurse walks in the patient immediately apologizes, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my sister."

When a patient was being admitted she curiously asked the nurse, "Are you admitting me or my cats?"

"Excuse me," a resident said to the nurse.
"Yes," the nurse responded.
"Come in here," the patient requested and the nurse followed him to his bathroom sink. "Look in there. I've lost my hand bones. Do you see them in there?"

"I love you," a patient said to me.
"I love you too, Miss Hannah." I responded.
"But only as a friend. I don't want you to get the wrong idea."

Ted and Ron always sit across from each other at dinner. Ron is deaf. Ted has the memory of a fish.
"Hey, buddy. I'm talking to you," says Ted. He turns to me, "What's his problem? Why doesn't he talk?"
"He's deaf," I explain.
Ted mulls this over for a minute and then looks at Ron. "Hey, are you deaf?"

I am feeding a very talkative lady when suddenly she kicks me under the table.
"Ouch, why did you kick me?" I ask her.
"I didn't kick you. The little man standing next to me did."

A co-worker of mine was going from room to room doing bed-check. 
"Don't come near me," the resident warned her.
"Why not?" she asked calmly. 
"Because the man standing behind you doesn't want you to," the resident informed her.
Needless to say, she hightailed it out of there and did not go back until someone went with her.

Spankmesweetly Spankmesweetly
26-30, F
1 Response May 30, 2013

I honestly believe these all happened.

I'm pretty sure they all did. The ones I wasn't around for were all told to me by honest people.

The ones I was around for, it was so difficult not to burst out laughing, except for the one about the man standing behind the CNA.

That one creeped everybody out.