Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Married to An Adult Bedwetter

Hi, I am married to an adult bed wetter. I don't say that very often. He has been doing it since childhood and I just had to get used to t. I want so badly for there to be a magic pill that could stop his problem. We have tried drugs, alarms, not drinking anything after 6pm, regular sleeping schedules, doctors, everything I can think of. The doctor wants to make it seem as if it is only a bladder problem instead of a sleeping problem but yet all the crap he has prescribed has not even come close to fixing the problem. The long and short of it is that he sleep way too soundly, he doesn't react to the alarms. I can be shoving him and shaking him and he sleeps right through it. The vibrating alarm, pssshhhh that was crap, . Sleeping soaking wet, the thing vibrating for ten minutes, he didn't even know it was going off.  He has to wear, depends with plastic pants, and a plastic cover over the mattress, it goes through and soakes everything. I know it seems like I am bitching but I'm not I am just exasperated at this whole thing. We need help. His mom should have done more when he was a younger kid, even a teen, and the sad part is that she is a nurse. but no she didn't do anything. Now he is 24 years old and ******* himself 4 times a week.  Ugh geez, what do I do????

Ughnotagain Ughnotagain 22-25 17 Responses Jan 3, 2009

Your Response


Have you tried the Desmopressin nasal spray? It worked wonders for me,too well in fact as I suffer from edema in both legs it made the swelling worse as it greatly reduced my urine output for 12hrs +.
If you have tried the buccal tablet version of the stuff I have been told it's nowhere near as effective as the nasal spray.
One puff up the nose before bed and you won't need/have a pee until 12hrs later.
Mind you wearing a good diaper to bed (Don't bother with Depends,Attends,store brands) you want to go for Tena,Abena,Euron (Soon to be ID),Lille and the like.These diapers (Usually european ones) are made for extended use and will hold multiple wettings.USA diapers are made so thin and cheaply because when caring for an inco patient the carer is supposed to change the diaper every two hours.For the sake of economy the diapers are made to last,and take,what would be expected two hours.

Go for a euro diaper and you won't look back,you'll have to get them mail or though,but I have heard of Tena Maxi and Ultra being sold in chemists shops.
Hope this helps and good luck.I know from experience how frustrating ANE can really be,especially if your getting leaks.The other option would be to put an absorbent waterproof backed bed pad on your side of the bed,some of these pads will hold many times more than the average diaper will.
All the best,

Oh dear this obviously really upsets you doesn't it. Please put it in perspective. Your husband wets the bed. He can't help it Frustrating though it is really it isn't the end of the world. With proper protection bedwetting just isn't a big deal.

He needs to be in diapers at night, it's the only way to keep the bed dry, trust me I know. At night I'm put in a disposable diaper, then a cloth diaper (to catch any leaks) and then plastic pants over it all. I never have a leak.

Hi i understand your frustration, i wet my bed as a child and was up to recently, re his diapers switch to tenna brand, depends are crap they leak big time. I had thoes alarms too when i was a teenager your right they dont work, at least not with me, by the time i heard it go off i had allready wet my bed (well the diaper) i strongly urge you to see a specialist, if you havent allready. Hang in there its tough i know, i still wear diapers just in case, allthough my boy friend says he doesnt mind if i have an accident, and i do wake up wet the odd time.

I read your post it seems that your husband should see somebody who understands, Nocturnal Enuresis night time bed wetting, try to get some Euron all in one pads, which are specially made for night time bed wetters, the have a very thick center pad and fit like a nappy between the legs, and secured by four securing tabs, my husband wears them 24/7, with a pair of rubber pants over them, we have a pvc fitted mattress cover and pvc fitted pillow slips, he sleeps on top of a plastic backed bed pad, so everything is protected, we do get free pads and pants from the NHS continence service, which helps out financially, my husband gets peace of mind kn owing that he wont wet the bed and he wont wet his clothes, which makes him want to get out and about, he is 68 years old now so he wont get any better, I am afraid its one of the last tabboo's of nature and the health authorities dont know what to do about it, they dismiss it as a childhood thing, but if you are one of 100 in a thousand that continues to wet the bed after your late teens, then you have to get on with it, we have been married for 47 years now, and I was fully aware of his problem before we married, he as always been adult about his problem, and sought solutions to the problem, there is only one solution, that is to have another bladder fitted, but they dont do that, YET?.
My advise would be for you to go to different chemists or health centres and seek out proper protection,try all in one pads, the thicker the better, and get better fitted pants, over in Britain we have a few good stockists, but in America there are many good companies such as Gary etc, get high sided pants for night time wear, make him sleep on a plastic backed bed pad, so any leaks get absorbed by the pad, they are throw away, dont purchase pull up pants as they are only meant for daytime wear, and havent got a pad that covers the groin properly, so many leaks.
Mothers have got a lot to explain why they dont help there off spring when they are younger, my husband grew up in Terry nappies and rubber pants until he was ten, and then put into unsuitable pads and plastic pants until he could get his own later on in his teens, He suffers from Nocturnal Enuresis and from a accident to his bladder, so he is incontinent 24/7, but he manages it without moaning, he changes hiself which is good, he see a continence nurse every six months and gets a free supply of pads and pants every twelve weeks deklivered to our front door, there are people out there who enjoy being treated like ababy by their wives or husbands, but if your husband as this horrible problem stick with him, and seek out proper help with the problem, I wish you and your husband all the best for the future. Mrs,BasilP..

love him

I couldn't agree more. He wet's the bed. So What !!

Have u tried going spiritual?since it is obviously nothing medical. It could be a demonic attack of some sort. Pele o

I have been wearing plastic pants and nappy pads since birth some 67 years ago,I have also been through all the tests, in my late teens my wife knew of my problem before we married, and has always been supportive towards me, I get all my nappy pads for free form the NHS every twelve weeks, I see a continence adviser every six months, just for a chat and some simple tests, first thing you have got to do is purchase some proper night time nappy pads, that have a very high absorbancy levels next buy pvc high waisted pants with welded sides in case he lays on his side, then get some bed sheets for the top sheet, so if any leaks happen they will soak the urine away, try to see an continence expert who will carry out proper tests to see what is happening to his bladder.<br />
Last year I had a catheter fitted before I had a triple bypass heart operation, when the operation was over afew days later a nurse took the catheter out and damaged the neck of my bladder so it now leaks small amounts of urine through out the day, so I am in pads and pants 24/7, I wish you both luck, just think some people wet themselves on purpose so that they can wear nappies etc, its really a weird world out there.

I started wetting the bed a few yrs ago was due to prostate problems been on meds which must take but still wet all the time.Then to compound the problem learned I was a diabetic. The only thing we could due was buy diapers and a mattress cover to protect my wife and bed.My wife is very supportive and no teasing but still is like reverting to childhood.

I never thought of it as being reverting back to childhood, my childhood was completely horrible, I lived with strangers and I just to get on with it, at the children's home I lived in we were always made to feel small, as we were put into a bed wetters ward, so everybody knew you wet the bed, every night we were lined up and had a terry nappy put on to us then, a pair of rubber pants and then put to bed, no kiss good night or cuddle from my mum or dad, and when I was ten years old I was packed off to live my grandparents and aunt, before I left they changed my terry nappy for a very thick pad and plastic pants, this was in the 50's, my aunt explained that the rubber pants were becoming very thin and tore easily, so we were all put into plastic pants which were stronger to wear.
I was always wetting the bed throughout my teens into my grown up years, I got my pads from a company in Glasgow Scotland who did washing etc, and sold incontinence products, the pads were cotton mesh with lots of cotton wool inside them, great for comfort but no good when it come to absorbing urine, as the cotton wool soaked and then leaked out, I changed to Boots own products which were good but, not very clever, the NHS in Scotland started to supply me with pads that fitted between my legs, they had no securing tabs in them days, still they also supplied me with Sandra Pvc pants which was good, they were really good in the 60's plenty of pvc pants with really thick elastic around the waist and legs. I got married and my wife wasnt over the moon that I had to wear them at night but supported me with my problem, she said as long as it doesnt interfere with our sex life she didnt mind, the pads got better as 1960 went on, then in 1970 they produced the first all in one pad with four securing tabs, that ended leaks well most of them, I still placed a plastic backed bed pad under me at night just in case, in the 1980's things looked up when incontinence products were handed over to the local NHS continence service who tailored the pads and pants to everybodys needs, I still get free all in one pads as I am now incontinent 24/7, they have just recently supplied me with rubber pants to put over my pads, but have stopped supplying me with bed pads and mattress covers.
My wife as never treated me as a child so I have never felt that I would want to revert back to my childhood, it would be a no thanks, if you want to chat I am always on EP.

Have your doctor do a sleep study we did this for my son and found that he actualy stops breathing several time in his and tat when he wet he now use use a c-pac machine and has been dry for 10 yrs now. good luck and keep tring anything the doctor sugests

Has your husband tried cloth diapers and plastic pants? Mine never leak and my bed and husband stay nice and dry. At this age, chances are, it's not going to stop. By providing him with the best protection, it remains his problem and doesn't affect you as much. I bet both of you would be happier.

you sound like my wife did befor she took control of my problem , i was like your husband but wet a few times each night and sometimes when got nervous, ohh just noticed how long ago you wrote this, was going to tell you what wife did to me, sadly she past 4 years ago

there are no of things that help bed wetting people drug work at first ten many times it takes more andmore of the drug<br />
<br />
and for out there that think it is in the head you could be no more wrong<br />
diapers and bed pads work better then nothing <br />
<br />
but at least you love him and are still with him

It must be hard for you having to cope with your husbands bedwetting. Did you know he was a bedwetter before you married. I am suprised his mother being a nurse didn't seek help with his problem. The longer it is left untreated the harder it is to cure and you must accept a small proportion of us will always wet the bed. How does your husband feel about it? I was a chronic bedwetter as a child and always felt indifferent about it. I can't say it ever really bothered me. I never got any real help either it was just accepted in our family that I wet the bed and as I got older if I wanted the sheets changing I had to do it. I still wet the bed now but that was my choice to become this way again and not an apropriate story for this thread, but I can relate to your problem. IU think you really need to have a good talk to your husband about his wetting and find out just how he feels about it. If he really wants to address the problem you should see a specialist and demand some help. In the mean time a good waterproof cover for the matterass and a bed pad and or nappies at least will keep the wetness at his side of the bed.

You have our sympathy my g.f gos through the same problem when i wet the bed. the plastic pants and diapers should keep the bed dry if they fit right etc etc. a rubber sheet is a good thing but we both know what your saying, please be understanding to your man, its not his fault, go to a really good doctor one who knows and understands the problem.

He more than likely has a deep sleeping issue. Much has been said about changing sleep patterns to cure bed wetting. It is the basis for many clinics and paid services. Unfortunately the longer it persisted the harder it is to change. You are right, his mom should have addressed it long ago. Keep going with the wetting alarm and wake him ASAP, when it goes off. it will take a while.

I don't truly believe that this is purely physiological. I make a heavy-handed suggestion of a visit to a psychiatrist. He will be able to detect any underlying psychological issues. I hope that this helps you a bit.