Love Hate Relationships

I love my friends. Without them I would be nothing. I would have probably ended my life many years ago if they hadn't been there to catch me when I fell.

It just seems lately I've envied their 'perfection'.

I know no one is perfect. But they just seem to be more perfect than me.

I envy my size 0 friends because I'll never be that size.

I envy my best friend because she's happy with her boyfriend, while I'm still battling my loneliness. I don't know how long I have been trying to hook up with the same guy. It just doesn't seem fair that when she told her man she loved him, he said it back. It's like a match made in heaven, while I have the love curse from hell.

It's not only their appearances and relationships, either. It's their smarts. I can't tell you how many times I've studied my *** off and failed a test, meanwhile my friends had forgotten all about studying and passed with flying colours.

Everyone seems to be winning awards. I've yet to be mentioned for my accomplishments.

And I really think what bothers me the most is that my friends are all friends with each other. I know its a horrible thing to say, and a selfish thing at that, but sometimes it bugs me when they are so close. When they carry on conversations. For some reason I seem to be left out a lot of times. Lately I've had to be the one to start the conversation to be able to stay within the circle.

 

I feel like a horrible person. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way. My friends are my life. My family. I should be happy for everything that they do. Happy for their amazing lives. Maybe it's my lack of emotional stability that is causing me to hate.

I just wish that, for once, things would work out for me as well. I'm sick of being left out.

FizzX FizzX
18-21, F
Feb 26, 2009