Still...I joined almost five years ago. Since then, my EP time waxes and wanes. Sometimes I'm here all day, every day. Sometimes, my profile sits dusty for months.
I came here, and I loved you all. I loved you and all of your quirks and faults and the inherent beauty you possess.
Now, I don't come very often.
But still, my heart aches, and my soul yearns for the kindred spirits I know here...and still I come.
I come here when I can't breathe for the pressure on my heart.
I come here when everything around me seems so shallow and empty, and I feel you pulling me in, waiting to surround me with your depth and fullness.
I read your stories. Your blogs. I read of your pain and happiness and boredom, and I breathe.
I can't write anymore, I think.
I don't have anything to say. Or I have too much to say, and can't find a place to start.
But I'm drawn here. To you. To all of you, and your stories. Your words on the screen are the pulsing of the collective human heart...telling me it's okay...that you feel. You haven't stopped feeling. You are real to me in ways that so many of the people I interact with on a daily basis are not. Because you feel.
Your insecurities bolster my confidence, because I am not alone.
Your anger calms me because I know mine will pass.
Your joy intensifies mine because your happiness makes me happy.
Your sadness makes me ache because I share your pain.
I need you...
I can't ask for anything from you, because I seem to be incapable of giving lately.
But I wanted you to know that I am still here. And I still think of you often, because you are all pieces of me.
I don't comment often. I write even less. But still, I EP.
I read your words, and they add color to the world when it's grey. They add flavor to a world that is bland. And they pull out the aching parts of me, and let me feel. Even when I am incapable of expressing why I ache.
Thank you for your words...and for the unconscious lighting of this sad little glowy candle when it threatens to go out.
onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 4 Responses 10 Aug 22, 2012