Love?

i was a third generation witness. growing up i was raised by my grandmother.she loved and believed in jehova. i remember her kindness and love toward all people. "worldly" included. she couldn't read or write. her bible studies were meeting with "worldly people" and having a cup of coffee and discussing GODS grace and the beautiful gardens they planted. she didn't drill "the truth" into people. she showed people love and understanding. often times you'd find her downtown with other witnesses sitting on a bench with their magazines out for everyone to see. i stayed away from the hall for 8 years.i was baptized at 19. when i went house to house we would rarely find someone home. i figured that was a good reason jehova put the older witnesses downtown. that's where all the working people who weren't home probably were. an elder corrected me by saying "the society looks down on witnesses who do that" it was discouraging to see witnesses look down on their own people. as a witness i followed my grandmas example. i tried to be kind and encouraging. problem was, the society controls who with we can be kind and encouraging too. i wasn't allowed to invite my family who were witness to play basketball with the , cause they didn't regularly attend meetings. i didn't understand this version of "love". my family came poverty over night to watch a movie. i lived with my brother and sister in law. i spent the night in my bedroom crying and praying. i felt lounger i would displease god by associating with them. keep in mind they were baptized witnesses too. GOD is love!! im trying to find my way.i I'm moving along at a snails pace but still moving. witnesses have kingdom halls filled with self r
righteousness. there is no room for LOVE....