Depressed & I Don't Know Anymore...

So I have has problems of growing up without a mom, With my abusive dad. Everyday I'm treating like trash, slave, always told I'm failure and a loser, that I will never achieve nothing other than be a loser for life, this started while I was in elementary school & know I'm college and sadly I feel like I'm loser and it has really effected mentally where I feel like what ever I do I'm fail so why try... So through this process I tried to killed my self so many times but was always scared of seeing god. I had told my friends about this, they don't understand, Matter a fact I tries to suck and be nice to my friends, hoping they would let me move in with them. But it's not working all they do is use me, when they have done, would ignore me, Not even open their doors, Pretend like their not home. I'm strayed to think u can't trust no one on this planet, to be honest. When family treats u like trash, u think ur friends r gonna help, It turns out their selfish *************, Who just used me in my un-stable situation. lately I have been asking why would god do this to me, thinking maybe I should stop praying, after 11 years of praying no fcking difference, maybe the devil might be better to. I'm like so sad/ depressed/ sucidal/ I don't whats gonna happen to me or what I'll do, But I just wanted to write this down. I'm so scared to live in this life style
ChaseingHope12 ChaseingHope12
Jan 15, 2013