The Trouble With Exhibitionism

The Trouble With Exhibitionism

I know that this is not a thought that has occured, or even been mentioned in any of the Exhib, Expose My Wife/Girlfriend in Public, or Voyurism groups.  It is however a thought that has been nagging my brain and even cost me some sleep last night.

When it comes to exposing a woman, or a woman being an exhib, it is grand fun for the woman and her partner, however there is a dark side that has not been discussed.  If one of the voyures, or a man that "happens" in on the fun decides to take it to the next level regardless of those involved.

I am speaking of rape.

Should a woman be raped as the result of exposing/being exposed, exhibbing, or having sex in a public places the courts would side with the rapist.  Why?  Her behavior said she wanted it, invited it, in fact even begged for the rape to take place.  If she did not wish to be raped then she would have had some restraint and not indulged in sexual behaviors where an audience could be found.

Her sexual past would be called in as evidence against her and even her admitting she enjoys ****** would be used by the rapist's defense counsel to prove she begged for the rape to occur.  The defense counsel would try to prove to the jury or judge that her clothing or lack of clothing, her illicit behavior, her enjoyment of sex, the number of sexual partners she's had, were advertising that she wanted sex and what "poor" red blooded man could resist such an overwhelming temptation.

Anyone here ever see the movie THE ACCUSED with Jodi Foster?  If you have you know the court environment I am speaking of.  

Also in most places depending on the degree, exhibitionism and voyurism are crimes according to the law.  This again gives the rapist's defence a bullit in the chamber against the woman.

Perhaps I have been troubled by this since I have survived two attempted rapes, and as a child had to deal with men sexualizing me.

I tried watching THE ACCUSED when it came out but found that I had a violent negative reaction to it when the rape scene began and could not watch the movie.  I had to leave the room.  I tried to watch it again when the court scenes were in play but again had to leave the room.  Jodi Foster's character in the movie, (which I heard was based on a real story), was in essence raped again in the court room.

The above are reasons why I am hesitant to exhib, and bristle at the thought of my husband exposing me to anyone.

I just had to get this out, and unburden myself of it so it will stop plaguing my mind.  Sorry if it is a downer but it is also a reality check...especially in an age when everyone has cameras in their phones and video ones.

Seanachai Seanachai
36-40, F
10 Responses Mar 18, 2009

Your position is tottaly understandable, and without my husband around I don't even give the slightest flirt to anyone. Only when we are together and I feel safe enough will I do anything Wild. We know each others limits, and if anything were to cross the line I like to know he is there to put a stop to it. We have had a few encounters with the guys that just don't seem to get it, and without him at my back I don't like to think what may have happened. Choosing the right place and the right crowd is very important! You have to feel safe to feel uninhibited

I think you do indeed speak for a number of women by expressing your thoughts here. I'm sorry you've had such negative experiences whether involved in exhibitionism or not. I'm glad that you were as assertive as you were in confronting the creep who harassed you, even if you at first failed to find vindication. We can hope you will not face situations like that in the future, but if you do, I'm sure I speak for most people here in fully supporting you in doing what's right and standing up for yourself - as well as other women who might be harassed.

I've used EP as a place to unload some of my thoughts and see what happens...some things I think are in the minds of others, but they just cannot bring themselves to speak them.

I think you've touched on problem inherent in exhibitionism...where to draw the line. It's hard to know when you have a willing, RESPONSIBLE audience, and when you don't. And the voyeur has to understand that there are lines that should not be crossed.<br />
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We all want to appreciate, and be appreciated. But it's incumbent on all involved to do so in the best, most ethical manner possible.<br />
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I don't know where exactly those lines are drawn. It's an issue, one that won't really be addressed here. But kudos for bringing it up.

What concerns me are the gray areas - whether my sexual advances could be taken in the wrong way and might be seen as hurtful. I would never dream of raping anyone, but have exposed myself and such and always wonder whether it ever had an unintended negative effect. I don't do it anymore, but growing up with a large penis, things happen.<br />
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For example, I've had ladies show me off to other ladies. When I was living in Asia, a male coworker took me out to dinner once at one of those traditional restaraunts where a young lady sits beside you, tends to you and teases you. The lady's attentions, although not overtly sexual but flirtatious, had me all hot and bothered and I got hard, which he noticed.<br />
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The guy was going on about how big American guys are and urged me to pull it out and show it to her (looking back I now realize he was bi-curious!). Of course, I was too shy to just pull it out in a public place.<br />
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Then he reached over and undid my fly and pulled the young lady over to look. Before I knew it, he had my pants open and it had sprung out swaying in the cool air! They both ooed and ahed and he placed her hand on it. A most enjoyable meal, eating with a young lady beside me with her hand on my naked ****!<br />
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Later, I had to go to the restroom and she accompanied me. We had sex standing.

Pervs like that make me sick, for a woman there is almost nothing worse than unwanted sexual advances from a guy she not at all attracted to. Just plain creepy.

Power more about the power than the act of sex itself?

That is just awful. Wow. I like kinkiness but draw the line at hurting anyone.

Type your comment here...One thing I also forgot to add to the above was this.<br />
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Long before I discovered any exhibitionism in me, when I was preparing to go to a Bible college I was working in retail. My first boss was great, and promoted me to head cashier position due to his trust in me with the money and cash out.<br />
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My second boss though made repeated sexual advances, comments and the like. I made sure he knew I did NOT want to hear talk like that and that I was NOT in any way shape or form attracted to him. He was also married with a little one and I told him that he should think about his wife and child.<br />
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Long story short. He began stalking me, trying to follow me home, so I had to find new ways home from work every night.<br />
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He even stole my bike from the rack so when I got off work I was upset. I was going to call the police and report the theft when he drove up beside me with my bike in the back of his truck. Her told me since he had my bike I HAD TO GO with him to my home. I yelled at him that I did not have to go anywhere with him and told him he had no right to touch any of my property. With that I yanked my bike out of his truck and took off to my parents home and told them everything.<br />
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(I was just barely in my 20's when this happened...only out of high school 3-4 years)<br />
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I reported him to the company and he was cleared of all sexual harassment, I was told I imagined it all. The assistant manager backed him up. I found out later that the assistant manager and he were having an affair and they wanted me in on the sex.<br />
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Even after reporting him, he then accused me of stealing from the till, and that the only way he would not report me to the police was if I gave him sexual favors. I told him off and said I had quit right then and there and did NOT need to give him 2 weeks notice...He crossed the line no matter what he and the assistant manager did or said.<br />
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Within a year of me leaving I heard that he sexually harassed another female employee and with two complaints against him...the company decided to "move him along"<br />
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This experience also had me write the story I did above.<br />
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Seems I have all these men wanting sex from me, whether I am modestly dressed or sexy, keep to myself or flirt.

I think that the violence of rape has been come forward quite a bit in the years. Although all these actions by the victim might be called into action, the bottom line is that rape is not about sex. It is about anger and control and raping is the method of displaying or exercising this anger and control!<br />
Rape is rape no matter how nude or provocative the victim may have been. Without consent, it not voluntarily and a violation of the woman's body and anyone not able to to respect that has problems which are not going to be addressed by seeing or not seeing a exhibitionist. The biggest problem for female exhibitionist is that they make themselves to be more ready prey for these nuts.