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Hope In A Misguided World

I have lost all hope in humanity, but occasionally I am surprised. Those surprises are cherished, with an effervescence of extreme gratitude for those individuals who prove me wrong. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, I am taken aback, making me reflect on the person I have become.

I used to be a nice person. I wouldn't say I'm a bad person now, but certainly I have stumbled down a spiraling staircase of morals, catching myself somewhere between the top and bottom. Those that have maintained their highest levels of compassion and kindness, what makes them so special? Is it happiness? Genetics? Is it my history and pessimism for the world that inadvertently envelopes me in a tight ball of unintended selfishness, which I am unable to fully break from? Will I ever get back to my old self, the one I strive to be but cannot find?

Coming of age was a rough time for me.  Parental separation, the lifting of the veil of ignorance my parents had loosely placed upon me, and visualizing the cruelty of humanity changed me. This realization has caused me to fall too deep into a hole which I do not know how to get out of.
UnderstandingMe UnderstandingMe 18-21, M Feb 20, 2012

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