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LOSING My Son

I Experienced the Love and Loss of a Child" I LOST MY 9 YR OLD SON JANUARY 1 2008 FROM A SEVERE ASTHMA ATTACK. HIS ASTHMA WAS NEVER AN ISSUE. MY SON ISHMAEL WAS DIAGNOSED WITH ASTHMA AT THE AGE OF 1. IT WAS ONLY BOUGHT ON BY COLD VIRUSES. AT THE AGE OF THREE HE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH A KIDNEY DISORDER CALLED NEPHROTIC SYNDROME(WWW.NYPHROTICSYNDROME.COM) IT WAS ONE OF THOSE UNKNOWN DISEASES THAT DOCTORS COULDNT EXPLAIN HOW OR WHY HE GOT IT SO FROM THE AGE OF 3-9 HE WAS ON A SERIES OF MEDICINES INCLUDING PREDISONE AND WAS ON A SODIUM FREE DIET DUE TO SWELLING OF HIS EXTREMITIES. AT THE AGE OF 9 DOCTORS SAID HIS OUTLOOK WAS GREAT AND WE COULD WEAN HIM OF THE STEROIDS(PREDNISONE) THIS WAS AROUND CHRISTMAS. 2 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS HE WAS STARTING TO CATCH A COLD HE GOT FROM ME. I HAD BRONCHITUS AND DIDNT CARE ABOUT MY HEALTH I JUST DIDNT WANT HIM TO GET ILL. HE DID AND HIS ASTHMA STARTED ACTING UP. I HAD HIM IN THE ER CHRISTMAS NIGHT. THEY GAVE HIM SOME MORE PREDNISONE CHEST XRAYS A NEBULIZER AND SENT HIM HOME. I WAS NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THIS DECISION AND I FELT HE SHOULD OF STAYED LONGER. THE NEXT DAY HE WAS PLAYING WITH HIS TOYS BUT HAD TO STOP AND TAKE BREATHING TREATMENTS. I FELT THAT SOMETHING WASNT RIGHT. I HAD TO GO TO WORK AND MY HUSBAND STAYED WITH HIM AND MY 3 OTHER GIRLS. I CAME HOME THAT NIGHT AND ALL SEEMED OK. ALL NIGHT I COULDNT SLEEP THEN AT 3AM HE WOKE UP TO TELL ME HE COULDNT BREATH I GOT HIM HIS TREATMENTS AND WE SAT UP ALL MORNING PLAYING HIS NINTENDO WII UNTIL ABOUT 6 AM WHEN I LOOKED AT HIM AND HE WAS SWEATY AND PALE. I TOLD HIM WE WERE GOING TO THE ER AND WOKE MY HUSBAND UP TO TELL HIM WE WERE GOING. I WENT TO GRAB HIM SOME CLOTHES FROM HIS ROOM WHEN MY HUSBAND SAID HE PASSED OUT AND WAS GIVING HIM CPR. WE CALLED THE AMBULANCE WHICH RUSHED HIM TO THE HOSPITAL WHERE THEY GOT HIS HEART RATE BACK UP BUT HE NEVER WOKE. HE WAS ON LIFE SUPPORT AND HAD TO BE FLOWN TO PITTSBURGH CHILDRENS HOSPITAL WHERE HE RECEIVED CARE FOR HIS KIDNEY DISORDER. AS SOON AS MY HUSBAND AND I GOT THERE THEY TOLD US THERE WAS NO HOPE WHICH I DIDNT BELEIVE. MY LITTLE BOY GOT SICK ALOT BUT HE ALWAYS WAS RESILIANT. HE WAS A GREAT FOOTBALL Player STAR OF HIS ELEMANTARY FOOTBALL TEAM AND A WELL BEHAVED RESPECTFUL PERSON. HE HAD A LOT OF FRIENDS AND A HUGE FAMILY WHO LOVED HIM. BUT HIS LUNGS COLLAPSED AS SOON AS HE PAEESED OUT AT HOME AND WE COULD DO NOTHING ABOUT IT. WE HAD TO MAKE A DECISON OR AS THE DOCTOR SAID IT WOULD BE MADE FOR US AS HIS BRAIN WOULD SWELL CAUSING HIS DEATH IN A FEW DAYS. SO IT WAS EITHER KEEP HIM HERE WHERE HE WOULD BE IN PAIN AND NEVER GET TO DO ALL THE THINGS HE LOVED OR LET HIM GO TO GOD AND BE HAPPY AND HEALTHY. I KNEW I HAD TO LET HIM GO THERE WAS NO WAY HE WOULD OF WANTED TO BE THE WAY HE WOULD OF. SO ON JANUARY 1 2008 MY SON WENT TO HEAVEN WITH HIS FATHER. I MISS HIM AND MY LIFE IS NOT THE SAME. I HAVE 3 GIRLS TO TAKE CARE OF AND TO KEEP ME FROM SLIPPING INTO THE NERVOUS BREAKDOWN I FEEL ITCHING ITS WAY INTO MY LIFE. I TAKE MEDICINE TO HELP ME COPE,NOT MY CHOICE,BUT I GUESS I HAVE TO GET BY SOMEHOW. MY DAYS I DONT LOOK FORWARD TO I WORK IN CUSTOMER CARE FOR A CABLE COMPANY. SOMETIMES I CANT DO MY JOB RIGHT AND I GET PANICK ATTACKS. I MISS MY SON

tamika731 tamika731 26-30, F 7 Responses May 3, 2009

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I'm so sorry for your pain and loss. It is so hard and I know how you feel . It feels so overwhelming and painful to live without your precious son . God be with your family .

my son has asthma. I am glad I know through you how serious and strange they can creep up. He was in the hospital for 3 days because of asthma

You seem like a wonderful person and mother. You should look up this man, John Edwards, he comes on tv sometimes. He connects with loved ones that have passed. He always says how happy they are on the other side, but they are always watching and with you. I thought he was corny until I actually watched him do his readings.

I'm sorry for your terrible loss. I wish you strength as you raise your girls.

Bless you. I am so very sorry over the loss of your precious son. I am sure that your life will never be the same. Even though you have your wonderful girls , that is a huge loss.<br />
Make sure that you take care of yourself sweetie. I care.<br />
And if you need to talk , we can do that too.<br />
Again I am so sorry. Please take good care of yourself.

(((((((((((((((((Tamika731))))))))))))))))

Im so sorry. I sometimes wonder how I would get through another day if one of my two children passed away. I think its wonderful that you are staying strong for your girls. But I also hope you have someone that you can just break down and cry with. I hope each day gets a little easier knowing that he doesn't have to suffer anymore. Good luck.