I Am SorryMy name is Quintesse and I am a deletaholic.
I write a lot of stories here. Sometimes I get brainstorms in the shower. Story.
Sometimes I have a serendipitous moment. Story
Occasionally I will crack myself up with a nonsensical idea. Story.
And sometimes I have moments of profound depression and sadness. Story.
Also there are times--but in all honesty they are rare, when I will get so mad that I will slap open the laptop and ...Story
If I think I have put something negative out there, or hurt someone, or went off a little on a rant, or revealed too much that was personal or
focused too much on my weaknesses or my sadness--it's gone. Deleted. Almost before it is officially posted I am hitting the delete button. It's as if just the act of writing it is enough, and then it is okay for it to be gone. In my way of thinking it has already served its purpose.
But last night I wrote something in anger and I let it sit out there a little too long. People commented and before I knew it we had a decent discussion going and it was actually productive. Still, it nagged at me because I knew that I had written it out of anger and it still felt negative to me even though it was not perceived that way by the people who commented.
I deleted it anyway, which was wrong, and I got nailed for it. One of the people who commented had actually invested some time and had made a really compelling comment but before anyone could respond to her I deleted the story. I feel bad. That was wrong. Once people started commenting I should have left it alone or, as one friend suggested, just toned it down a bit--as in-- go back in and edit.
I should have done that but I didn't because for me the deleting as as impulsive and as natural as the writing.
From now on I will try and be more considerate. I feel now like I dissed the people who commented by tossing the whole thing. It won't happen again.
Quintesse 46-50, F 21 Responses 9 Feb 5, 2011