Thoughts After Bipolar Disorder

I finally have found out what happened to me or at least what triggered this awful feelings. It's every time I am dating someone. That is the trigger.

I feel extremely insecure and as a result of that I always end up breaking it up! I don't like that. I feel worthless and for some reason I feel less smart. I fee like he is so great that I don't deserve to be with him. Then I feel like I am so stupid and I try to enjoy myself, but in the end I know they only feel pity for me. Not only my boyfriend, but everyone who says to be my friend. They are around only because they feel pity on me. They feel sorry for me.

Feelings of pity and sorrow. I know for a fact that is all they are thinking about.

The other day I went to class and after class was over two hours later I received an email from my professor saying that I should go to the Counseling Center. I was very sad. He also said that if I needed extra time of hand in my homework I could hand it in later. 

First off, this is all mu fault, and so I don't deserve to be given special care or dates to turn in my homework. Secondly, this is unfair to other students. I feel like I should be exposed to the same rules and standards that we have in class. I want to be graded fairly. I felt so sad after reading his email. He is doing it out of pity. I already go to the Counseling Center and I already take drugs to help me regulate this manic and depressive phases. I don't need any more extra stuff to help me. I am competent enough to do just as well as everyone else.

As for the boyfriend I think I need to call it off like all the previous ones because it is highly unfair for me to make them deal with this. I think it is enough with just one person, me to deal with this. I don't want to make other people unhappy about this, about this changes in me. I wish I could control them. 
PrettyLittleBoobs PrettyLittleBoobs
18-21, F
Dec 1, 2012