We All Fall Down

"While I still have my drink, I'd like to toast Alicia, for her recovery and her constantly getting better and overcoming the obstacles."

What does getting better mean anyways, I have the strength of mind not to hurt myself most days, but it's never for me. It's always for someone else, and when they eventually leave, I won't really have a purpose for recovery anymore. At least, that's how it makes sense to me.

A picture is worth a thousand words.

Take a picture of that toast. My sister's proud smile, my friend in mid nod, and me with a frown, rolling my eyes. This is no accomplishment, nothing to be celebrated or toasted. It is dangerous, it is the darkness inside waiting to bite out, I am not dealing I am repressing.

In my mind, there is me, surrounded by a bunch of walls. I hear people knocking at them trying to tear them down. Part of me is happy, pat of me is terrified. DO I let them near? No, I get to keep my fears. Pain, suffering and that insolent voice that begs the things everyone begs me to leave behind. Will I ever seperate myself from myself? I think not.

I am my own worst enemy, and even the best bullies, could never tell me something I haven't already told myself. The darkness wants me dead, but they toast, as if somehow I am winning the war.
But the walls are falling down. I don't know how much longer I'll last until it all collapses around me.

"I propose a toast, to myself, we all fall down. But as long as you always do your best to get back up, that's what winning is. Keep on getting up. "

A picture is worth a thousand words, and the image of three young adults at a table, you will rarely be able to understand the correct words about it.

Are you still on the floor today because of your burdens, or have you managed to get up yet? Either way, good luck.
WeAllFallDown WeAllFallDown
18-21, F
Dec 4, 2012