Love Is A Crooked Thing

What is it with finding love? or do you let it find you? I have no idea what the ettiquette is for this love thing but all I know is I have tremendous bad luck in it. I was "in love" the first time when I was in highschool with my first ever boyfriend. Anyone remember that feeling? Anyway it proceeded for 5 years even after being broken up but now we're best friends....with benefits? kinda?....well, through out the years, yeah, Ive dated to try to get over my ex, who just keeps bringing me back, you know what I mean ladies? Although I acknowledge that it is my fault at the same time to keep going back. Anyway, I fall pretty fast when I meet a guy I like. Thats my problem. I end up liking the douchebags. You know the ones that trap you with their soo called charm and all but end up gradually not talking to you after you've, I guess given them what they wanted. Atleast that how my sad story goes....consistently. You would have thought I'd learn by now. BUT NO. Im a sucker for love, whatever that is. So I met this guy recently, guess where. On one of those embarrassing dating sites that you'd never tell your friends about, except I did. Mistake. Well yeah, I met this guy, we met after two weeks of messaging back and forth with eachother. He seemed normal, you know someone who wouldn't kidnap you or kill you if you met. We went to a bar, comedy show, clubbing and saw a live mellow band for our first date. Yeah believe me, I fell for him and I believe he fell for me too. We saw eachother and everything for a month after that but after I told him a secret that was very personal to me and something that I wanted to be honest with him about, thats when it went downhill. Geez the moment I want to be honest with someone because I feel that it can really go somewhere is when it just ends all due to sharing it with him. Honesty is not the BEST policy. Still mad at myself for telling him about it but then again it is something you kinda have to tell someone if you think it is getting serious. So I did. And now? Well Iam alone again. We still talk and hangout sometimes, you know being "friends" -_-. Sucks when all you wanna do is kiss them the whole time you're together. First guy I actually truly fall for after four years of being alone and seeing what is "out there". Yup, Ive had many fail attempts at trying to being with someone or looking for someone but this guy...this guy....I tell you everything Ive been looking for, it was him and all this honest crap sucks because I bet anything if I hadn't said anything he'd soo still be into me. BUUUTT NOOOOO, right after I told him, trying to build a realtionship and be honest with him....BOOOM...he's gone. I dont want to even meet anyone else, what's the point? You tell me. It's gonna end up the same way isn't it? Idk. I'am at my breaking point of just giving up and I guess let life take me where it wants too...Ill probably most likely end up alone. Pretty sad, I must say. Anyway, love is a crooked thing that makes no sense but I wish soo desperately to find it or have it find me.
barefootbluejeannight barefootbluejeannight
22-25, F
1 Response Dec 16, 2012

It depends I guess what the secret is. If it's something superficial like you don't like big parties, it's one thing, but if it goes against my values, it's another. It's important to bond with people who have the same values.