Signed By A Broken Spirit~

The skipping beats of my heart
Lets me know I am still alive
The feeling of loss , let's me know I can still feel
How to climb out of the dark hole
No one really knows
The fact that I can still wake up in the morning
Lets me know , I have a purpose
Is it just my mind that has been playing tricks on me?
Or am I really that far gone?
I really don't want to be
I lay in the darkness and I close my eyes
All the memories they still haunt me
Why can't they just go away
I am sure this grief is not shared with people who caused it
So why does it still have to interrupt me?
You can tell me a thousand times,
Its part of life, everyone goes through this , you are not the only one
People say this because they think it will help
I only wish that it did
The pain and anger I hold deep inside is something that has probably been there for years
Over time I did teach myself a few tricks to cope, but now as time is moving I am still standing still
and my coping skills are dying as fast as my spirit is breaking
Breathless some days
Weak and feeling sore
Wishing I could just let go
Dying is not an option but yet I question the feelings I am having is it all worth living?
I go to work in the morning and I come and I write or I sleep and on the weekends I try to surround myself with friends and good company
I am doing the things that a normal girl in her 30's should, but yet I feel so incomplete
Struggling with the bills like everyone else
Trying to survive really again like everyone else
I have made plenty of mistakes I am not alone on this one either
I have also worked harder then most by going back to school and reaching my goals and finding a career
The other day I was ready to throw it all away
How did I get here?
I really wish I could write something special, something to warm a heart for valentines day
But I have yet to find the right words to just that
So instead I write my hurt out on this screen in hopes that it will go away
I just need that one day again, that one chance to get me back on my feet
To make my life work the way that it was meant to be

Broken spirit

WildIrishEyes WildIrishEyes
31-35, F
1 Response Feb 12, 2013

Beautiful expression of sorrow. Heartbreak? Ennui? Betrayal? Probably doesn't matter. The poem is evocative o the feeling, not the cause. Well done.
As you know there is little advice one can advance to 'help.' You're doing the most important things: get up, work, fun with friends on weekends. Action changes feelings, as you probably know. But,,, it takes a while, sometimes a long time, depending on the trauma/cause, and elements of our biology and rearing.
Hang in. Seek fun and pleasure in art.