What I don't understand is how people take the pain
Its the emotional pain that gets me
It shakes me down to the core
I start thinking very irrationally.
I start jumping from ledge to ledge
From conclusion to conclusion
Not caring if I fall.
Its simple and logical
That when someone tells you that you're going to get hurt
Not to get close because they'll push you away
To believe them
So of course,
What I did
Was the opposite of logical.
So I live with this jealousy, when I doubt I have reason to be jealous
I live with this anger, the anger that I've never known so well until now.
Now he lays inside me, this monster of mine
Unleashing when fear strikes
Why did you do this to me!?
That's not the question I should be asking though is it.
Why did I do this to myself.
Why did I let this happen.
I knew there'd be pain
But I was reckless anyways.
The thing is I don't regret it.
So I'll sit here and swallow my feelings
No one needs to know
How silly and naive I am.
He won't even talk to me when we're alone
We're not even alone ever.
He avoids me like the plague
Unless someone else is around
Pardon me, that infuriates me.
But it hurts even more.
Is it that I'm not worth his time
Or that he feels bad
But I can't
I can't mention anything, he has enough **** going on
I have to stay strong.
Deep breathes.
Deep, slow breathes.

(Sorry this is a train wreck, I'd rather no one comment on it. I just need someone else to know how I feel.)
NeverForgeIt NeverForgeIt
18-21, F
Aug 28, 2014