I Did Not Know What Was Happening To Me

My boyfriend severly abused me while he was drinking. He called me a back woods ***** over and over and nver apologized. THe next day he left for a wedding. I was left shattered and in dire need of help. I was alone. This is my story . In linght of the abuse , excuse the mispelled words.








The sadness feels so overwhelming. she tries to seperate the person she loves from her tormenter, her abuser. She picks her dog up. She is so heartbroken,Her do has cancer. Her dog cannot walk She carries her dog to the couch and lays a towel on the couch. This back street ***** brushed her dog for an hour as her dog curled up and slept. The love for her broken dog poured out of the heart of this back street *****. This back street ***** felt as if her heart was breaking in a million pieces. The love and sorrow and tears kept pouring out of this back street ****** heart as she realized she would probably have to say good by to her precious dog this week. This back street ***** was all confused as a small part of her longed for the comfort and love of the man she thougtht loved her He would never own up to his abuse.. But her mind quickly darted away to the thought of a safe place in her heart where this man once loved her.It was all such a lie and a cruel trick. This back street ***** tried so hard to make her ways worthy and get the love of this man. Now she was sitting here all shattered and broke up with intense grief and confusion and intense loneliness.She kept petting Chole and and talking to her and tears were streaming down her eyes and Chole looked into her eyes. She fed the dogs and took them for rides and felt herself coming APART MORE AND MORE WITH EVERY PASSING MINUTE. Saturday night she made one of the biggest mistakes she could think of.. She was over come with grief again as she lay brushing her dog and thinking about losing her dog . Why did not he call her when he knew she was so distraught about all this shattering abuse. and now her dog She tried to call him,more than once and each time it was confirmed in her head that she was a desperate beaten up woman looking for comfort in the wrong place. Why was she doing this?. Is this part fo the sydrome she is going through. She started to cry She needed a soul to talk to.

This back street ***** was going down again. She called his brother to wake him up. She need a comforting voice. Whe he got on the phone he was sarcastic again. Why did she make this mistake.? He said he would call her when he got to the room but for some odd reason he left his phone on. For a long time all she could here was the conversation of his relatives talking about cancer. What happened, she thought? I guess he does not know he left his phone on. She called his brother to tell him that his phone was on. John came on the phone and started yelling at her. She was confused and then he put his phone on speaker and had everyone there in his family say in unison, L:et's all say hi to Sandy Everyone said real loud in a a mocking voice ". HI SANDY" THEN MADE THEM DO IT AGAIN. "HI SANDY" everyone chantted and laughed as they mocked me. I felt that this was one of the most singular things that ever hurt me. This back street ***** was confused and in shock and hurt beyond belief as he humiated her in the time of her utmost grief. She got off the phone and felt this real hollow sick feeling inside. It felt sureal. She did not feel safe,

She called the battered womans hotline for the 5th time this week end and fell into a pit of despair. THis back street ***** knew inside she did not dererve this but she had no self repect for herself because she went to the lowest level of groveling. Her self respect is gone. She is in a weakened state. She prayed for
God to send her an angel . She wanted him to go to therapy with her when it was starting to go bad but now all she could do was save herself ONly there was one problem. This back street ***** did not want to save herself anymore. She felt so far gone. The girl on the phone said this is common when woman get confused.after being abused. She did not care. There is no joy. Everything is false.She is only a micro shawdow of the beautiful person she once was. There is no hope She is broken now. It went too far. This back street ***** broke into a million peices






sandyyates1 sandyyates1
56-60, F
May 13, 2012