Running Out Of Time

I'm 66 and I pretty bad shape with my lungs. This is the result of 53 years of smoking. I quit smoking everyday, it can slip up on me and it has several times but i insist I quit. I cannot bring on the tears for thinks I regret because I lived a full life. I was pregnant at thirteen and the father of my little girl was a rapist. At that time it was not talked about as it was a shame to to my family. Word got to my Daddy and he tore a path to the rapist and began to beat him to death. The college where he was had gaurds that protected the rapist of course and Daddy left , he was sore at me for getting in the car with the rapist . He ask to take me home from Wednesday Night service at the near by Methodist Church. . I couldn't tell anyone because I was so afraid of what would happen , I knew life was intolorable as it was with a sister and brother who were bullies. The loved getting off on public humiliation.
I have a deep seeded resentment even today, one I feel can only be satisfied by an apology from them both. They disappeared like my whole family , not wanting to bear any of my sufferings. They have not once aknowledged their crulity towards me. I'm still not there on that one.
What I wouldn't do to have a few more years under my belt. I'd want to spend it in New York City, The Village would be heavenly. Oh, how I wish I had my health and youth long enough to live out my dreams there in that city .
I quess there's a moral to my story and that is to LIVE BIG , LAUGH AND LOVE today as no where is there a promise for tomarrow. Have as few regrets and be ever so grateful for all your experiences.
MsOracle MsOracle
70+, F
3 Responses May 15, 2012

Jeeze what did you or your family or anyone of us know? As for smoking, I finally stopped when my lungs started to hurt from it. I got a $10.00 pack of Nicorette gum and some nicotine lotion to rub into my fingertips to take the edge off. I weened myself off of the cigarettes and the rest in 2 1/2 weeks. It helps to listen to your body, it says a lot.

I had my last smoke in 2007 btw. :-)

Thank you so for your sweet comment,..I agree.

I'm greatful for your stories.. reminds me of how everyday should be spent..

what you say is so delicately put and I so grateful to you for your encouragement , endeed we are sisters on this path where we walk the way home...