Confusion

Even though I am in counseling, sometimes when in deep thought the prospect of transitioning is very scary. The loss of oneself, and the fear of surgeries and the end results have become realistic issues for me to seriously consider. Although my wife has stated she will support me through to the other side of srs, I regard some of her comments paradoxical.
Even though I disagree with a comment she made yesterday, namely that even if I have srs surgery, she would regard me as a gay man. Perhaps she's saying that to try throw me off my path?
She has also stated that as soon as I begin hrt, I must sleep in the spare bedroom. Although currently she has a low libido she also stated she will be on the look out for some action as and when she has the desire to do so.
Last night she also brought up another pertinent question for me to consider. What if after transitioning having completed srs and ffs, I am an ugly duckling and not desirable? Naturally, I told her I would be okay using a toy. Her question however, gave me serious food for thought.
Findings indicate a fairly high percentage of post ops don't enter relationships. Understandable.
Naturally, I can't say how I would feel or act as a post op, though I think it would be fair to say that if one is undesirable coupled with a lack of genuine intimacy, life may be a lonely state of affairs indeed.
It has only been since July 2012 that I came out to her, and perhaps her comments are indeed a psychological way for her attempting to deal with a very disturbing twist in the path of our lives. To demonstrate this, only two weeks ago I asked her to accompany me to a counseling session, her answer was an emphatic no. Less than a week later and without any prompting from myself, she commented that she wanted counseling.
While I have had a lifetime to mull over my lot, my wife needs much much more time. On the other hand, she may just be giving fair warning of what is to come!

Penny222 Penny222
51-55, T
4 Responses Nov 29, 2012

i understand the path you walk as i walked it a long time ago with the person i loved
but she was us going back to how she was born and before a docotr made the choice
i know about the depression the crying for no reason the pains she felt 'pain may have just been her as she had no female orgons left pains from that time of month that never happed

Wow!!! Very intuitive. Would you be able to cope without your wife? Do you have children? I have often thought of coming out but fear the loss of my children. I'm divorced so could care less what my ex thinks.

I asked my wife why she was being mean. Her answer was as I thought. She simply doesn't want to lose me.
I'm not entirely sure what I did was ethical, but I decided to test the waters in one of those online dating websites. I wanted to see how many guys would say things like ugly *** etc. To my amazement, within an hour I had over 150 views, 20 private emails, and online chats telling me how beautiful I look; wanting to take me out to dinner and can you believe it, wanting to make me pregnant.

LOL pregnant??? Well make no mistake about it. Some guys are very turned on by MtF transsexuals. I have spent more money than I would like to admit to be with transsexual escorts!!! I don't even consider genetic girls anymore. Nor regular or gay guys. Only transsexuals or transvestites or sissies.

Good luck sweetie
Hugs
Sammi