Don't Know Why I Felt Like Writing This Down.

My parents came from humble backgrounds but they gave me the most comfortable childhood that they could. I never went hungry, i didn't have a lot of toys but we lived in a place that easily surrounded me with playmates, i went to a prestigious school and got nice clothes to wear.

But I was an ******* of a child. I was too lazy to do my chores, stole money from many people and lying became 2nd nature to me (it still is). I falsely accused my siblings of bad things I did myself and secretly didn't like them too for no reason at all... Which probably explains why i'm not close to any of them. Academics weren't particularly hard for me but I never made an effort to excel and I never took math seriously. I flunked multiple kinds of it multiple times from elementary to college, as well as my other subjects in the curricula too. I swear if my parents were persons of lesser fortitude my performance at the university would've caused them to have near-death experiences many times. I make friends easily and I chose ones who influenced me negatively despite the advices i got from my father. And while i never caved in to the pressure to take up drugs or smoking, the quality of people I hung out with effectively dimished what little redeeming qualities i had as a son, brother, relative and person while ensuring that everything negative was reinforced.

After i got my degree, my mother made me a partner in 2 small businesses that she put up and both failed largely because i didn't make even just an iota of constructive contribution to the said enterprises. I can still remember many years ago when i was still a little boy, i was caught red-handed trying to steal arcade money from my aunt and i still denied everything and lied to my mother's face. She broke down and cried, pained to realize that her eldest son was a lying, thieving bastard. 3 years ago I crowned myself with their mangled and broken hearts by getting a friend pregnant after a drunken romp in some crappy motel. Up until now I have yet to function as a dad to my child who also happens to be my parents' first and only grandchild. As such they barely get to see him. My parents have done nothing but love and sacrifice for me and my siblings used to look up to me, and i have rewarded them with nothing but heartbreak and ear-splitting whines and complaints.

This is not a sob story and i am not seeking any particular kind of response just to feel better. In fact i really don't know why i wrote this. If you're still reading up to this point i really don't know what else to say to you except that i hope you appreciate how it is not to have a son, sibling or friend like me. There is no excuse that i can use to justify the woeful decisions i have made, no tragic and sad backstory to give sense to the utter disappointment that i am but that is exactly what my life has been: a disappointment covered by the shameful lies and pathetic excuses i harp to everyone just so that i can sleep at night while feeling a bit worthy.
illshowyouhow illshowyouhow
26-30, M
1 Response Jan 9, 2013

I hear you man