11/01/2013

i had a really ****** day well year but i carried on in the last 6 months i had been drinking on my own and each time i self harmed but i made the cuts worse each time now i dont drink on my own. but friday i got pushed over the edge with everything going on, i felt worthless hopeless, not worth living and living didnt matter coz its our choice wether we live or die. a work college of mine took it upon him self to tell me he liked me so i reminded him that he had a girlfriend and 4 children but he carried on, so friday morning i get a text of his girlfriend told her the truth and then couple hours he text me saying thanks for ruining his life so all day i over thinked it beat my self up over it and i just felt worse and worse bout my self i never cryd so much that day and i never cry bout anything, i told my friend that i didnt wanna live and that it didnt matter if i carried on living, she was lost for words i spoke to her for 45minutes and there wasnt anything else to say but before i left her car to go home she asked me not to do anything stupid i didnt reply has i had no clue wat i was capable of, all i wanted to do is die, i had thoughts all day bout going home and just stabbling myself to death, i walked in my home {live byself} stood in the front room i hadnt turned any lights on, i just looked into the kitchen saw the knifes, and looked around the knifes and remembered all the pills i hid from my friend when i thought he was going to try kill himself, so i looked in fridge to get a drink and saw my friend left a bottle wine so i grabbed that and took a swig see how it felt and try realise what i was doing but it didnt matter so i got the pills took them out the packet lined them up weakest to strongest as i had different types i thought id go strongest last, so half way through taking them i thought of my friend and thought id do one desent thing he rand i carried taking them, i survied
shellprewett shellprewett
22-25, F
Jan 14, 2013