I Stole My Mom's Euthanasia Drugs

I'm not gonna go in depth, but the last two years after I've developed schizophrenia i've been through hell. The feeling of emotional flatness was just too much. The only thing I feel apart from that is anxiety. So I had come with the perfect way to end my life. I would go into my mom's (who's a vet) briefcase and steal the euthansia drug that uses with terminal dogs, cats and horses. It was supossed to be quick and painless. When I'm about to retrieve the drug with the syringe, the medicine bottle slipped, fell to the ground and broke.
I feel so frustated. I am too afraid to hang myself, cutting yourself just doesn't work, my antipsychotic and anxiolitis pills are not enough to commit suicide, and a gun would be too messy, I wouldn't want to torture my family with that image.

I'm not a native speaker, there might be some mistakes.
anotherdot anotherdot
18-21, M
Jan 19, 2013