Not Just One

I can't even count how many times I forced the muscles in my mouth to work, to curl up, to smile despite the breaking in my heart, the burning in my eyes. When all I want to do is just cry until no more tears flow from my tear ducts but they don't fall. My lips lift and my heart breaks but I smile and act like everything is ok.
deleted deleted
26-30
1 Response May 20, 2012

i love your smile. but you are not a machine, you should be comfortable with yourself enough to always remember that who you are is good enough damn it!<br />
I grew up my whole life seeking to please people, and i mean i would do anything, anything! Just to get from them the slightest sense of their approval and i would live and die from moment to moment depending on whether i believed they approved of me. I cannot begin to tell you how broken this has made me throughout my life. It was not until I was 13 and in the 7th grade that i realized if i were to live, it would have to be not unto others but for God alone. Only in living and being for God could i truly be happy and feel the freedom i longed for all my life and i know that even when i don't feel it, God's love is with me.