Mutual Lasting Love A Rarity Like Winning The Lotto..

Your chances are about the same, love with an equal & winning the lotto that is. I might be depressed and spending almost a year around an insecure and avid liar liar selfish desire which doesn't nudge the pattern. Why is it so easy to surround yourself with people who will bring you down. Or are all people that way and you just have to set the right boundries with each. I was born with high emotional intelligence & developed intellect rather quick yet when my intuition hands me the giant Flag coloured with alarm that howls like an eruption of steam from a kettle. Still my dysfunction casually acesses the tea then opens the book. I have love for the genuinely disturbed. Though I'm not one to try to fix people as I don't believe people to be broken. I believe them to be a creation of circumstance. Either they didn't learn they shouldn't or they learned they could get away with it.
Why do people waste so much time with those that don't love them it's as if everyone's addicted to ****** love and pain in some form.
I'm currently living with this now ex and sure he didn't reciprocate a hell of lot or even act as someone I'd want to call my bf but it's mostly my ego that's stained. For how can I have love for someone that seems to have none for me. I can only feel rage that he hasn't moved out yet and filled his time with less important things like Minecraft than finding a place. He says he doesn't want to deal with stress! Yet it's a part of living can't do much to change that other then deal with it the best we can. He is not a horrible person cause he lied or didn't love me in a way that I could feel and many other things yet I've no interest to ever see him again. I don't hate him yet have rage when I think of him. Maybe it's part of letting go of the fact you can't control an other. I've accepted there's no future with this person not just for us but seemingly for himself as he lacks motivation in life. This guy's so indecisive because with choice comes responsibility. So life with this person has been stagnant to say the least. He puts his foot in ..and can't decide what to do with the other one ..so he leaves it out & all the while I feel I'm wanting out. He then decides to do the cowardly thing and try to set up an opportunity to cheat or lead a double life. I catch him cause you can't trust a liar and I did my homework.
I wholeheartedly want out after things were said and done but we were still on a lease with only 2 months to go.
We'd never had sex yet not for reasons you would guess.
We somehow end up moving to a new place I found and planned to move without expensive so okay it's helpful. We start having sex and I find out about his dating sites on Pof, ok Cupid, adult friendfinder you name it. He says what did u expect. I of course expected him to be honest when it all came up the first time. I expected that he'd make a decision to be in or out cause a little of both was clearly not acceptable or making either one of us happy.
He deletes them not right away but on his own time. Either way it doesn't matter because his actions have defered any chance of love I may have had for him to healing myself. He's a good looking guy but that's no longer what I see when I look at him. I see an insecure, unhappy person. He was on the thought path of suicide when we met. I knew he was dysfunctional but I often forget the way it can bring you down if you let it. Dysfunction. Has a way of refreshing your life as long as you know when to cut it off.
Your body will tell you when it's reached it's limit. My limit is too high and that's where the damage comes in. I'm starting to realize that I function better as a single person. I couldn't imagine marrying someone to have to experience all this with all the legal aspects. How many married people are actually happy? Do they do it to just help with finances and to have kids? How many people will claim they have love only to end up on experience project with a story of infidelity 15 yrs later. Why is loyalty so important to people yet no one can seem to hold off on selfish desires putting themselves first then to say oh well after the fact. Only human pat on the back for that cliche.
Because they thought they could but somewhere along the line that changed all justifications to avoid the integrity of telling the other person hey I'm thinking of having an affair what do u think of that? People say its not fair to put the guilt on the unsuspected but even if you're not telling them you are hurting the relationship anyway. It changes who you are and what you believe you can get away with. Meanwhile you're lying to the other person about who you are cause you are not the faithful love they think they have. Why the shock occurs and feelings of betrayal. So many people blame their confusion on everything but their own creation. All I have to say is how sad .. How sad it is that you can not be yourself with the person you chose to live with. How sad it is for them to miss out on a love that feels like the lucky lotto. That's just it though... It's all luck of the draw. Even without the signs of a match made in hell it could happen to you if it hasn't already.
All that bs about healing a broken heart and healing damage taking time are fables humans like to tell to make themselves feel better. If love is selfless does it even exist? Do selfless people exist? If they do who can say they've been selfless their whole life and be proud of it & not mark themselves as a victim of any kind? Just because there are a million excuses and justifications that have been around for hundreds of years doesn't mean we shouldn't question it. Logic & ration are not equally the same in everyone's mind so everyone will not interpret what is logical the same way.
whosgonnasavemysoulnow whosgonnasavemysoulnow
22-25, F
Dec 13, 2012