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In Love With My Straight Best Friend..

So I am in love with my straight best friend. He is a beautiful, tall, handsome model with a wonderful, appealing personality. I am 23-years-old, and so is he. We met about 1.5 years ago...

It all began after he moved into my flat a few months ago... And he was just classed as a 'good friend' at that point. But we've pretty much become best friends since he moved in. We get on so well, he cares a lot about me, and I him. He's really sweet to me, and shows a different side to his personality when around me, it seems. I love him first and foremost as a friend, and just want it to be like that.

However, he knows of my sexuality, and is always able to talk about it openly with me. I think he quite likes the whole diversity of it. He's very supportive and is always able t otalk about it in the most non-homophobic way. I know he is straight, and if he were gay - he wouldn't be with me.

Anyway...

But as we became so close, I started to like him more and more. It began as a slight infatuation, which grew and grew as we hung out more. The odd heart-warming comment he'd make would fill me with energy, filling me with joy about him. We'd lie in bed together watching movies, go out together drinking, cinema and do lots of things like that together. Which is something I want out of a best friend.

However, the downside of being gay kicks in. All of these things I mentioned above have pulled my heart-strings, as he began to fill my void of loneliness. I am, by all means, a lonely gay guy with no homosexual friends to go out with. Just straight guys, and some girls. I get the odd sexual activity, but nothing solid enough to form a relationship.

So things have went on, and on... And a few months down the line, I am completely and utterly in love with him. He dominates my thoughts, I do so much for him, I think about him all day and night, and miss him intensely when I'm not around him.

Now I've started to become jealous when he goes out with his other friends. But I'm not sure if this is anything to do with the fact he's been rather bad mooded recently, and comes across a lot differently towards people when he's like that. This jealousy, and missing, is coming from the deficit of attention I'm getting from him, I think.

But this is all causing me to miss him more and move, and fall deeper into love with him. I resent it, and wish it were not the case. He's out right now with one of his friends - one who is allegedly gay and has tried to pull him before. I know my best friend isn't gay... But I cannot help feeling this other friend is at it. He wants MY best friend as well. So this all gets really muddy and horrible. So it makes me jealous. And it shouldn't.

How do I keep the balance of normality? I want him as my friend, even if it means being a bit in love with him. There obviously is not any easy answer... But I imagine I just have to wait for it to all be over. I will have to confess to him sometime, I know. I'm not sure what he will think. As long as I don't act weirdly in love with him when I am with him, I think it will be fine.

The last thing I want to do is lose him as a friend, and this whole thing may freak him out if he finds out. I value our friendship so much, and have become disgusted in myself for allowing myself to fall down this route. Though maybe it was inevitable. Is that the price of being best friends with a great person, who happens to be good looking and share a lot of things in common?

It's all just very ****. One of the reasons I am becoming to extremely dislike being homosexual.

Any comments, tips and advice would be welcome... But don't tell me to detach him... I just couldn't do it.
zxcc zxcc 18-21, M 4 Responses Oct 29, 2013

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I can't offer you much advice, other than to say I have a very good friend for so many years that can't be around me, or it just makes him miserable. I hope it all works out.

First of all, that is part of the curse of being gay; we are BOUND to falling for straight men and having the INEVITABLE unrequited love. It'll always be a one-sided love and never a mutual kind. I suggest give yourself time and space and distance from him. The time alone will give a peace of mind that will aloe you to find out about yourself more. Hangout more with other friends and less time with him. Better, yet, just temporarily cut yourself off from him. It will ‘preserve’ your friendship the way it is and not change. When he asks to hangout with you, tell him you're busy and keep your distance. If starts to ask what's wrong, ignore. The more you talk to him, the harder it gets to rid your feelings for him. Good luck!!

I would just come clean and say it like this "Ok so I don't want things to be weird around us or anything but I think your an attractive guy and getting to know you on a diff level has made me catch some feelings for you but it's ok if you don't feel the same I understand but I just wanted to let you know this cause I truly value our friendship and I don't want you to feel that you have to have the same feelings for me, and if you don't just let me know so I don't have to go on thinking that you might be feeling the same. But I just needed to let you know because I feel that we are good friends and friends tell each other everything and anything and everything we say never leaves here" idk that's just what I would kinda of say just let him know how you feel not in an awkward way and just take a deep breathe and say it like you know nothing you say will change your friendship with each other. Regardless of what he says tell him that being his friend is just as good and you'd rather be in his life than be out of it so it might make you stronger as friends who knows. Anyways I wish you the best of luck

I'm basically in the same situation. It makes me feel like a huge **** because my confusion over my own feelings for him is getting in the way of being a good friend--you know, the type of friend another straight guy could be, but I might never be, because once I reached the point of becoming a "best friend," all I could think about was the next step, the one that can never happen.

It's poison. Y'know, I get more and more jealous of his straight best friend because they can have pure platonic intimacy without any of the baggage. I think, "Well, if he can't be my boyfriend, then maybe we can be best friends." I look for love in something lesser, which is just as unfair for me as it is for him. But really, what is a guy to do?

Honestly, I'm still knee deep in this ****, so I don't have any practiced advice. But, I do find hope in knowing that feelings pass and it is possible to find someone you love just as much who loves you back. (You'll probably find them in San Francisco.) And don't think you're any less of a friend just because you love them more than that! It's in your best interest to keep harvesting those platonic feelings--love like a brother, not a... lover. Though this too can be messy.

I agree, it's all ******.