My Son Is Hitting Puberty - Should I Be More Modest Now?

We have a middle-of-the-road policy in my house when it comes to modesty. For example, the kids (10 & 13) do not see us naked, but they will often see us in nothing more than underwear/bra & panties.   We are not very conservative, but nor are we nudists or anything.

That said, my 13 year old son is now finally hitting puberty (just barely) and for the first time ever, I noticed him noticing me today.

I have been getting in shape lately, and this morning I was excitedly telling my husband that I finally have a 'two pack' on my stomach where you can see some abdominal definition.  I was wearing a longer t-shirt and a pair of panties (which were covered by the length of the shirt).  I had pulled my shirt up above my waist, showing my stomach off to my husband as we were talking about it. My 13 year old son was sitting there eating his cereal when I did this, and I noticed he wasn't looking at my stomach, as his eyes were fixed lower down.  I thought little of it, but noted it, and later looking in the mirror noticed that the pink panties I had on were thin and kind of tight, and very clearly showed the cleft of my vagina which I'm sure is what my son was staring at.  Last night I was wearing a thin tight white tank top and some yoga pants, and he couldn't take his eyes off my breasts.  I figured he could see my nipples through the shirt, but I mean he really couldn't stop staring.

So my question is this - now that my son is hitting puberty and paying more attention to my body, should I make more of an effort to cover up so that he doesn't look at me in that way, or should I ignore it?   Further, should I say anything to him about it?  What would I say?  I'm looking for advice here, as I've never had to deal with this before.
AandCjax AandCjax
31-35, F
15 Responses Jan 11, 2013

No its fine, he's just at that moment in life he's noticing you more then just his mom, but he will grow out of it. I did around his age. He is just surprised his mom is so attractive and not the plain old mom he used to think you were. I did the same, but he will end up moving past this stage.

How did you decide to deal with that and how did it work out in the last year and a half or so?

Make the common become uncommon and he will strive to see more. If it is not a big deal it quickly will become no big deal. Relax

well, to be honest, now that he has seen "some" of your body, covering it up will only increase the likelihood that he'll want to see it more. if you continue as you have been, he will adjust to seeing you that way, even with his hormones running wild, and will adjust to that being the normal thing. also, if you are comfortable with your current in home attire, you shouldn't change that because of his development. obviously he has already seen the outline of your vagina as well as your nipples. so there isn't much need to hide it now. just be patient, and communicate with him. it should prevent any problems from occuring.

on another note...i do believe that mother's should help teach there sons about sex, what woman want and like, and the appearances of the female body, so they are better prepared for their adulthood...

Does your son watch **** stuff on PC? He sure play himself at his age, but does he do that a lot? Does he have friends (girls)? Does he stare at other women friends to you?
You don't need to cover your body because you are proud of having a nice shaped body. You don't have a kinky mind.
You and his dad need to talk to him together about his puberty, he needs to listen to male and female, don't bring the subject of him staring at your body, just explain to him the changes in his body, and how he should deal with his sexual feelings in a more mature and healthy way.

I know this was posted awhile ago, but I was wondering what ever came of it. By the way, I'd agree to not worry too much about it.

The reason he is so interested is probably because of too much modesty in the home. Your son is relax. I was raised in a home with very relaxed views on family nudity. I also raised my 2 daughters the same way. You should start letting the kids "catch" you nude from time to time. Just act like it is no big deal, and do not try to cover up. He will understand that it is perfectly normal for family to see each others body. Do you have a pool? Start skinny dipping! If not, find one...skinny dipping is a great way to get the family to relax about their bodies

It is normal for him to show interest in your body and at his fathers as well. It has nothing at all to do with having sex. I would not go out of my way to SET UP a time like the shower & soap thing. Just be natural. During the coarse of people living together seeing each other in different stages of undress is natural. Act so !! If you act as it's not a big deal thats how he or his sister will take it. And they will not feel shocked or shamed or embarressed by it. This will help them be comfortable with their own bodies. It's what you teach by your actions not your words. If you show shock or shame that's how they will learn to react. Don't over think it. Just love each other and put each other at ease !! If he needs to use the bathroom while you shower or your changing while talking to him . Do it as it's nothing but normal. And it will be nothing but normal. You have the ball !! And have a wonderful life !! :}

Allowing him to see you going about your business around the house showing some skin would become so natural that he would see it as such. I do have great memories from a next door neighbor and I said great only because she always tried to cover up as I starred at her when I was a teen. Does it make sense?

<p>&nbsp;<p><p>I am 44 year old, white, married, wife and mom, of 11 beautiful biracial children. My husband is black and is 40. I firmly believe that you and your husband sit your son down and talk to him, if you have not done it already, about the eyes of a young man and what they focus on when looking at a woman's breast and vagina, how he processes that information, ************, the sexual process, sexual abuse and sexual assault (rape), cyber sex, texting, bullying of females, computer/internet inappropriate websites for minors, devices for males and females to prevent pregnancy, female and male private body parts and their functions sexually. the proper way of making love to a woman without disrespect for the girl, and other rough sex, v. calm love making, issues regarding sex you parents need to discuss with your son.</p><p>If you have not already had the sex chat with your son by now, do it immediately. When you talk to your son, discus a few topics only at a time then give him time to think about what you have discussed with him. Get back with him on other occasions and continue the sex chat. It is going to take several sessions with both of you and your son present. Parents, do not be shy when talking about sex. Present the material openly and honestly, answer his questions regardless how embarrassing or hard they are, call a penis a penis, breasts are breasts or boobs, and a vagina is a vagina, etc.</p><p>Mom your son needs to hear your thoughts on sex too. When you said you believe your son was staring at your private body parts, I find him to be normal. If he was not aroused and not looking at you then you might have a problem. A son always wants to be close to his mother for sexual guidance.</p><p>As for covering up, no way do not do that because you are shutting you son down sexually. Indirectly you are telling him sex is dirty and not to participate in it. This was the philosophy back in the 1960s about women saying to children sex is dirty and not to do it. Soon after that came free love and burning bras. This was in rebellion of prudish and old fashioned thinking by women.</p><p>Personally, we are nudists in my family. My husband, me and our 9 children all go nude at home and at other places too. Also, I am pregnant now with twins and they will go nude as well. I feel nudism is best for families because the kids know and understand sexual topics, have a low sexual crime reports, pregnancy and birth rates, and the children are not shy about the subject of sex and are well informed on the topic. As for going nude in your family, you all need to sit down and discuss the pros and cons and limits you are willing to tolerate.</p><p></p>

Encourage him to walk around naked :)

You ask if it is ok for your son to see your almost naked body? Well in my opinion, it's not ok. Although, I know people were raised differently and have different veiws, I find it strange that it would be considered normal for a son to stare down his own mother. Being a mother myself, would feel uncomfortable knowing I'm being checked out by my own child. I don't consider myself to be prude or even old fashioned. I actually have a pretty opened relationship with my children. I just think it's inappropriate for a mother to be (for lack of a better word), parading herself in small underwear around her curious teenage boys.

the word that was starred out was a word that means family intimacy. in**st is not a dirty word. It is getting to be a real problem in our society and should be addressed.

Everyone else is saying, oh it's just so natural................BS

Cover your junk up.

He is your kid, not your husband.

I've done social work and yes there is more ****** out there than people care to admit or realize.

Why are you displaying yourself at the kitchen table during breakfast anyway?

How short was your skirt that he could see your panties and outline of your genitalia?

I'm not saying to wear a veil, but no, sorry in my opinion you are asking for trouble displaying your body parts that only your husband should be seeing.

How would you feel if you had a daughter that was displaying herself like that to your husband?

We are animals, (mammals) and yes while we do have a soul and are suppose to be smarter, we still just like animals naturally get excited and have urges.

I was orphaned at 9. Went to live with my older sister (13 years older). I was quite pretty and built as a teenager and her 14 year old son (my nephew by blood) tried to rape me one night.....and we are not talking hillbillies here, we're talking a upper middle class home where we dressed in moderation, not prudish but not immodest.

If that avatar is your picture, you are very pretty - and while pretty shouldn't enter into it, it does.

A fat ugly middle age woman does not excite men like a pretty thin middle age woman period.

I'm 59 and still have men hit up on me at the grocery store when my husband isn't with and I dress modestly.

My grand daughter is tall, thin (beginning to become really built) and model pretty / looks a lot like Mila Kunis - that pretty. We have had people stop her at malls and such to tell her how pretty she is - the boys and young men even do a double take at her.

One day she was helping me get something down from a high shelf and climbed a ladder. Her mother had dressed her in very short short jeans where her cute little butt cheeks were hanging out - I pinched one and she yelled, "Grandma!" I told her, "You are physically very very pretty and if you display parts of your private anatomy men are going to look and some may even try to touch - you dressing that way is inviting trouble you may not want to have to handle."

Again, you are his mom, act like one. Show some dignity in being a mother of a young man.

And yes he should be told about sex.

My husband had trouble talking to our sons about sex so I laid it all out on the line, very frank, open and honest. Also got them books on how normal men and women look naked.

I told them, you play - you pay and showed them where the condoms were and how to put one on (used a banana).

So I'm not prudish and my oldest son is a very very good father, but he told me he was glad I was so frank with him and unlike most of his other friends, he was proud I was his mom cause I acted like one. He said some of his friend's parents acted like teenagers and it was embarrassing.

Again, if you look like Aunt Bea from Andy of Mayberry your son might not be as excited seeing you naked, but if you look like your picture, sorry but you are very pretty and even a 13 year old male son might get excited.

Do you want to excite your son? Think about that question...........and I don't mean to be disrespectful to you but it's a frank and open question. So why are you showing him your body?

Sometimes we do things for a reason we are not consciously aware of.

As far as seeing naked women - I'm sure as he gets older he will see his fair share of normally naked women. On the net are pictures of movie stars, fat woman as well as just average are his mother, he doesn't need to see you naked.

Kids I've worked with that are really messed up have had "free and easy parents" or parents that were the other end of the spectrum, too modest/prudish.

Moderation - but again, you are his mother, act like one.

I appreciate your response, and the advice, although I think your attitude toward things is much more strict than ours. You seem to equate any level of being undressed with sexuality, and I think that is a very puritanical view that was established in America in conservative religious homes. I've never wanted to be a nudist family, but I find that the few people I've known who came from nudist homes were SO much more well adjusted in terms of body image than those who grew up being told to "cover up and have some respect for yourself". I think my husband and I's views lie somewhere in the middle. I'm not in favor of always being fully dressed in front of the kids, but I don't parade around naked either. As I mentioned in my story, the kids have only seen us in our underwear, and as of thus far, I've always found that to be perfectly reasonable.

"Everyone else is saying, oh it's just so natural................BS
Cover your junk up.
He is your kid, not your husband."

I have to disagree here. I do not think that nudity always equals sexuality, or if it did, by your logic it would be wrong to even go to the doctor unless he was also your husband. Only sex equals sex, and I'm not having sex with my children. Them seeing me in my underwear isn't ****** or anything close to it.

"Why are you displaying yourself at the kitchen table during breakfast anyway?
How short was your skirt that he could see your panties and outline of your genitalia?"

As I mentioned before, I was showing my husband the fruits of my labor in the weight loss department. I had my tshirt pulled up to bare my stomach, and I had been wearing a long tshirt and panties. I was not wearing a short skirt.

"How would you feel if you had a daughter that was displaying herself like that to your husband?"

I can't possibly imagine it being a big deal for a father to see his daughter in her underwear.

Your son is going through new experiences and it is normal for him to be curious about many things. I think that you need to chat with him a bit about his natural curiousities and developing body, so that he will make an informed adjustment to his developing body and mind.

I mean we've had the sex talk and he knows how all that works, but what specifically are you talking about discussing with him?