I Cannot Do "this" Anymore

Everyday, I consider just up and leaving because I just cant take it anymore. I'm so tired of trying to make everyone around me happy when I can't even make myself happy. I am sick of trying to be perfect. I just can't do it anymore.

My parents have made it so hard for me to be happy with myself, and It doesn't help that I can't confront them about how I'm feeling. They pressure me to be perfect and If I do one little thing wrong, (me smoking cigarettes and dating a boy in the Air Force is the most recent "wrong doing". Mind you, I'm 18 and legally can make all of my own decisions) they make it seem like it's the end of the world. It's more than frustrating.

I am just so tired of always pretending to be happy and to be this perfect being. I honestly cannot take it anymore. I'm so emotionally, mentally, and physically drained that I don't know how much longer I'll be able to last.

I want to just give up. I want to leave and never come back. I want to die. I've been cutting since I was young and that just recently got much much worse because of all of this stress and negativity.

I'm to the point where I don't know what to do, and i'm too afraid to try to talk to them about it, because I can't handle another fight. It's also come to the point to where I've considered dropping out of school, moving and trying to make it on my own. I don't want anything to do with my family anymore, and that's something I never thought I'd say.

I need help. For the sake of my own well being. Please.
svdh svdh
18-21, F
Jan 18, 2013