I Feel Lost And Hopeless

I have ADHD and Auditory Processing Disorder, I have ADHD since I was 5 and I was just recently diagnosed with APD. I am 15 years old, and just like thousands of other people I've been through a lot, and I don't know what to do know. When I first moved to Colorado I was 11, after that summer I was in the 6th grade. I was sexually assaulted by my teacher for half the year. After awhile I told my parents and I was removed from that school. We got the police involved, but nothing ever happened it never went to court, and my teacher still works at that school to this day. Then the summer of my freshman year in high school, I was at a camp for a day...I was raped by a guy who said he was 17 in reality he was 18. The police were called, and I was taken to the police department then after that I was taken directly to the hospital to get checked, and to go over what was to happen next. Last May, we went to the sentencing for this man, I wrote him a later and I read it to him. I told him that just recently we remembered the day that Jesus died on the cross for our sins, so that we might be saved! I told him that God loves him, and that He wants more than anything for him to allow God to make a place in his heart. I told him that I forgave him as well. I will never forget the picture, of after he came up and gave his reply to the letter, seeing the police put the handcuffs back on him, with my letter in his hand. These things have taught me so much, but mostly on forgiveness. I have had lots of struggles since. Recently I was found out that I am going to be sent away to, Clear View Horizons Residential Treatment Center in Idaho. Before this I was told I was going to be sent away, I have trouble with lying, stealing(not from stores, but from my parents) I used to have "blow ups" this hasn't happened in a very long time. My parents used to get very angry at me, and my dad would scream in my face, and throw me on the ground. I would have marks on my body after this. My mom would dig her nails into my skin, and pull my hair. This hasn't happened for awhile, so I feel like I can't do anything about it. We did have a social services person come, but they didn't do anything. People always take my parents word over mine. I understand that some do this because I have lied.. but in a situation like that.. it feels horrible knowing that people don't believe you, it makes you feel like no one cares. Anyways, before this time they said I was going to be sent away, but I told my mom I would change my behavior and I DID! DRAMATICALLY! Then, my counselor who used to see both my mom and I, met with my mom. She told her that,"I am too much to handle,","and that they have to get rid of me because I am causing to much stress for them." I feel betrayed by her, I was doing very well, I was making huge progress. Then all of a sudden there looking for places to send me again! They don't think I know, they're waiting till after this week is done, because I have finals. I am scared, I don't know where my life stands after Christmas. I feel betrayed, and hopeless. I want to write out my feelings to my parents, I can write better than I can talk. I don't know what to do, I want to runaway. :( I feel so lost, I want to get help, with lying and stealing from my parents..but not by being sent away! I also, want someone to hear me out, I feel like no matter who I talk to, no one understands. Is there anything I can do about what used to go on physical wise with my parents? I know nothing has happened in a long time.. but I can use all the help I can get. If you want any further details, just ask. I could use some advice, and any encouraging words.Thanks for taking the time to read this, God Bless, and Have a Merry Christmas.

Stephiek453 Stephiek453
13-15, F
3 Responses Dec 20, 2012

If you're parents wants to send you away, there's probably nothing you can do about it. If they are sending you away, it's probably a place where you'll live and go to school - like a boardingschool. Maybe it won't be so bad to live there, perhaps you'll make a lot of new friends. And you'll be away from your abusive parents. I went to boarding school from the age of 16-19 (almost 20) After that I found my own place.


You could try and get emancipated - get legally released from your parents, but you're going to have to get help from the social services, and maybe a lawyer - not sure how it works, but I know it can be done.

Go to a church and see if anyone can help you, maybe let you stay with them, offer to help with cleaning and stuff. You could also try asking you're parents if you can stay with some family for a while?

Try praying about it.

I hope you the best!

i personaly dont forgive.. this is worse than i thought.. im sorry i dont know what to say.. if i was you to begin with i wouldnt tell my parents i love them... cos i wouldnt.. but you are too young to leave them.. i really wouldnt know what to do in your situstion.. i guess i proved to be useless after all

You're not useless! You were encouraging, and what you said before, I'm going to use that! Thank you, and forgiveness is a huge part of my life. It's probably one of the reasons I'm still alive.

and not forgiving is probably one of the reasons im alone.. but i dont feel like i need them.. i wish you the best...

If you ever want to talk, I'm always here(: I wish you the best as well, and Merry Christmas!

keep in touch.. i want to know what happens during and after christmas.. merry christmas to you too

Will do(:

2 More Responses

what you wrote give that to social services or something or someone you trust (guardian, teacher or adult you can trust) that would help you with this I hope for the best for you don't know what else i can say sorry have a merry christmas :)

No, don't be sorry! Thank you, that in itself was helpful(: Merry Christmas to you too.