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Life (oh Sorry New Life)

As I have said I live and have lived for nearly two years completely female and for me it's natural for me to present and be accepted in a community that is rather backward (as a woman). I started only two months into my college career living full time and it began as an uncomfortable setting but one I knew I had to endure if I was to become the woman I knew I was. It was like walking into a room naked and having extra organs and different colored skin. I could feel all the students eyes and even the instructors eyes trained on me.

I took my seat for the first time as myself and not worrying who I was but knowing I was who I should be. Time like always makes things easier but sometimes it just takes longer than others luckily this was not such a long time to endure. It was only weeks when my friends got over the shock and started to come around. I still have those friends but at a distance they are still responding to my posts on FB. I also found a girlfriend and she was very willing to be my friend as we became good friends and as we continued in school we got closer and closer. We had a couple of girls nights out and enjoyed ourselves.

I gained my confidence in that environment and it was that confidence that made me the lady I am today. I have the confidence that I have no barriers I go anywhere a woman goes and I do so alone in most cases I have no embarrassment being amongst other women and I do not try to hide from them either. I am female If you have a problem with my so called gender then read the law it states I am the gender I present and not what lay between my legs. I have been and always will be for the rest of my life now referred to as a woman. I can never go back the path behind me has disintegrated and there is nothing back only forward.

The only thing I have from my past is memories and experiences I still have family but they are only around on holidays and special occasions. Thanksgiving my sister asked me to not come as this Rickie but her brother Rickie I agreed as this was a chance to see family but I can't go back anymore my Christmas present to myself (though selfish) is to never be even if asked my old self. That backward motion is no long viable the path has bent burned disintegrated and erased.

I live now and forever the woman I am and the female body I will have will never be able to retreat to male and why would I. I am happy though alone I could only be happier with love and I search for that day in and day out. I have been asked by many what is it like to live the life of a woman and I usually answer "What is it like to live your life?" I can only say that the life I live now is my life and not something I am foreign to it natural. My going out in public is no different than anyone else though I like any girl take a while to get ready to go out.

Even just a trip to the store is a time to get made up and look natural as there are things I feel I can't hide but I have been told you can't see them thing I see in myself. I have come to terms with the fact that I see things that they don't cause I am more critical of my own looks than others. I have the same dysphoria that am anorexic has but for the thing I perceive as not looking feminine.
RJ43 RJ43 46-50, T 8 Responses Dec 14, 2012

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If your family knows your wishes and lifestyle. So be it. Be true to yourself. No sense in being manipulated into pleaseing them now.

I have and have been the out cast over far less myself. Angie..;-)

CONFUSION, major confusion, is what I hear brother (sister?)... God help us all!

What is the confusion here I am a transsexual woman and living as a woman full time meaning I was a male in a male role now female. The Lord helps those that help themselves and that is just what I intend to do. I search not for the acceptance of all as I know I will never get it but I have the acceptance of my Father the Lord who made us all. I will never have the need for his acceptance he already accepts me for who I am.

exactly!

Every woman is critical of herself, regardless of the appearance of confidence... it makes you human! And the greatest families consist of those we find (and the ones that find us) along paths that aren't meant to be passed alone.. Wonderful story. Your courage is inspiring <3

Thank you Tigerlilee I still do believe in my family and one day they will come to have the desire to have me around again. Mine is one of patience and if there are those that don't come around I understand and I will forever be there for them and for me that is what matters. The fact that if one of them needs me I can be there even if it means they don't want to see me I'm there.

I think you will always be more critical of yourself than others are. Not sure that is gender specific. Maybe just part of your persona? I know I am harder on myself, have higher standards for myself, than anyone would put on me. You sound brave. And free. Fly high.

I have strength but it all hinges on my emotional state when I feel the need for interaction with family I had been able to find the openness to revert even this Thanksgiving I took a backseat but I can no longer revert cause as much as I want this association with family I have enough fight in me to be who I am.

i just read your story and i do feal same cos im alonly man also but can we start together areal love if u like

I often wish things had been different when i was in my early teens. Back then I felt the same as I do now but in those days the idea of transitioning simply wasn't an option. To do it at this stage of my life would be a disaster for those I love (my daughters and grand children) so I am destined to live out my life as a non-op TG. I admire your strength and courage - I wish you all the best and a world of happiness.

TY Jacquie your well wishes give me strength to carry on.

Well now that I have had time to think and mull over your situation I have to say that I think you destiny is all your own. Your family means a lot to you and I know you don't want to hurt them. But who is hurt more you or them they are the ones you have made your decisions for and it's up to you though either keep them happy or fallow your needs and make yourself happy.

Thank you for your story. I, too, have been rejected by my family of origin for different reasons. It is admirable that you remain true to yourself despite the judgment and rejection of your family. I have done the same. You are a beautiful inside and out!

Your most welcome LN as things like this have gone on for generations now in numerous families.

Ma'am
You are a beautiful,voluptuous lady. please consider adding me as a freind

TY William and as you know dear I have added you.