Life (oh Sorry New Life)As I have said I live and have lived for nearly two years completely female and for me it's natural for me to present and be accepted in a community that is rather backward (as a woman). I started only two months into my college career living full time and it began as an uncomfortable setting but one I knew I had to endure if I was to become the woman I knew I was. It was like walking into a room naked and having extra organs and different colored skin. I could feel all the students eyes and even the instructors eyes trained on me.
I took my seat for the first time as myself and not worrying who I was but knowing I was who I should be. Time like always makes things easier but sometimes it just takes longer than others luckily this was not such a long time to endure. It was only weeks when my friends got over the shock and started to come around. I still have those friends but at a distance they are still responding to my posts on FB. I also found a girlfriend and she was very willing to be my friend as we became good friends and as we continued in school we got closer and closer. We had a couple of girls nights out and enjoyed ourselves.
I gained my confidence in that environment and it was that confidence that made me the lady I am today. I have the confidence that I have no barriers I go anywhere a woman goes and I do so alone in most cases I have no embarrassment being amongst other women and I do not try to hide from them either. I am female If you have a problem with my so called gender then read the law it states I am the gender I present and not what lay between my legs. I have been and always will be for the rest of my life now referred to as a woman. I can never go back the path behind me has disintegrated and there is nothing back only forward.
The only thing I have from my past is memories and experiences I still have family but they are only around on holidays and special occasions. Thanksgiving my sister asked me to not come as this Rickie but her brother Rickie I agreed as this was a chance to see family but I can't go back anymore my Christmas present to myself (though selfish) is to never be even if asked my old self. That backward motion is no long viable the path has bent burned disintegrated and erased.
I live now and forever the woman I am and the female body I will have will never be able to retreat to male and why would I. I am happy though alone I could only be happier with love and I search for that day in and day out. I have been asked by many what is it like to live the life of a woman and I usually answer "What is it like to live your life?" I can only say that the life I live now is my life and not something I am foreign to it natural. My going out in public is no different than anyone else though I like any girl take a while to get ready to go out.
Even just a trip to the store is a time to get made up and look natural as there are things I feel I can't hide but I have been told you can't see them thing I see in myself. I have come to terms with the fact that I see things that they don't cause I am more critical of my own looks than others. I have the same dysphoria that am anorexic has but for the thing I perceive as not looking feminine.
RJ43 41-45, T 8 Responses 7 Dec 14, 2012