To start off I have a bad relationship with my dad. He emotionally abused me and my mom all my life. I ended up in foster care for a year and then my mom kicked him out and got me back. I came back home when I was about 16 and I'm 19 now.

The sexual fantasies started when I was 17 or 18 and started out in dreams. First it was him forcing himself on me, I'd wake up disgusted and scared. The dreams weren't turning me on at that point but then as time went on the dreams started to change to me fighting back and taking control. The control was riding him or him going down on me. I'd wake up from those dreams being extremely turned on and freaked out. From there things got worse.

Fast-forward to now-I completely fantasize about him. I have dreams of it being mutual. I've thought about calling him to ask him to have sex with me. I hate the way I feel so much. I don't want it.
tinycats tinycats
22-25, F
1 Response Aug 24, 2014

Maybe you should see a psychologist, perhaps one that specializes in child abuse? I've heard a comparison of sexual abuse to tickling; someone may not like tickling but still laughs when tickled. It does not mean that they like it or want it, it's only a response from the body. You clearly show that you don't like this.