MY Cottage Cup
I started fantasizing with the cottage cup about the age of twelve.My mom collected cups,all kinds and colors.My favorite was the beautiful cottage cup.At first I would just look at it for a few minutes and put it back on the shelf in the kitchen where mom kept all her collectables.My life at that time was very sad and sometimes just downright painful.Things had already happened to me that should'nt have happened.My stepdad being an alcoholic did'nt help either,he was a hard working man but after work the drinking would start,I hated how he would belittle my mom and she would just take it.It got so bad that I used to beg GOD to just let him die.Sometimes when I could'nt take it anymore I would go into the kitchen where my dad was always drinking and yelling at mom and I would scream at him to just shut up.My mom would tell me to be quiet and go back to my room.That would hurt me so bad that I was trying to protect mom and she just did'nt care.I did'nt always hate my dad(stepdad)just when he was drunk.It just seemed to me that our lives would just be better if dad was'nt around.Whenever I got the chance to be alone,I would very carefully take the cup to my room,close the door behind me and lay on my bed.I would place the cottage cup on my pillow then I would go into my fantasy world.I would imagine myself becoming 1 inch tall,I would be walking into the woods and I would find the secret cottage.The cottage was so hidden behind all the huge trees and all the vines that covered the cottage.No one had lived there for years.I found an old skeleton key I had to search for the door because it was so well hidden with all the vines and flowers.I finally found the place where the door was but I had to move the over growth of vines to put the key into the door.The door opened,I walked in ,it was so beautiful inside ,there were pretty pink curtains with ruffles hanging on the windows.There was a round wooden table with two chairs on one side of the room, beside the table was a mint green wood stove,with a pile of wood beside the stove.On the other side of the cottage was a very cozy soft bed with a beautiful quilt with hearts of all different colors,it had a matching pillow case for my pillow.Beside the bed was a small fireplace that had a fire going in it.There was a rocking chair in front of the fireplace.I went to look out of the windows and all the beautiful trees and vines with flowers everywhere,it was so thick that no one could ever see the cottage but me.It was my secret,no one could ever find me in my secret world.In my secret cottage there was no one to hurt me or to scream at me or to throw things,no one ever, because it was my magical place.I would sit on my rocking chair and just enjoy the peace and quiet.There were all my favorite books and stuffed animals,I would just sit and rock and read my books.After a while when I felt comforted enough I would turn back into a human size and go sneak the cottage cup back on the shelf.I don't remember how many years I did this,I guess just long enough to help me from losing my sanity.
I had'nt thought about my secret place for many years and one day during the worst years with PTSD,I remembered the secret place.It scared me because it was'nt until that day that I realized just how bad it had gotten for me to have to fantasize about my life to help keep me sane.I talked to my counselor about this a few months ago and she told me it was OK what I did.This is what I did to protect myself,it did'nt hurt me it helped me to survive my horrible world,at that time.
My stepdad is dead now,I forgave him for all the ugly years,I don't hate him anymore,I always try to put myself in the place of the people who abuse.I wonder what happens to people why did he become such a monster.Why could he sometimes be so sweet and loving and then turn into the monster.I love my mom she had a horrible life also growing up then marrying dad and then later with stepdad.
A few years ago,mom was going to get rid of most of her collectables,I asked her if I could have the cottage cup.I looked in the big box with all the cups,I was so happy that I was going to get the cup ,but we could'nt find it,mom had already given it away.My heart was so broken,I wanted that cup so bad just to have it,just to remember.It's gone forever but in my mind I still remember the special cup,it's forever in my heart.