I come from one of those rare families that are actually stable and functional [for the most part]. You don’t know how many times I wished I had a more chaotic family….i was never faced with any kind of hardship. My mom was extremely maternal and sheltered me a lot. This led to me not knowing how to vocalize my desires for anything. From wanting to play sports, to wanting a pretty dress...not even my desires for food were ever fulfilled. my mom is a complete health nut and scared me into being a thin little toothpick. Yes, scared me into it.  My biggest fear in life was getting fat. Being healthy was my first and foremost priority. Over ANYTHING.  (btw I never binged/puked. Notice ‘’healthy’’) So I rarely ate out.

And believe it or not that is kindof a big deal. I dunno if you realize it but most humans are stupid and only care about where their next meal will come from. THE WORLD IS OBSESSED WITH MCDONALDS. Yes, it is. Everyone is shortsighted, and I never was. “healthy people are boring” is a stereotype but it applied to me. This led to an unhealthy obsession with image…It just added to how I never fit in with anybody…. 

And the worst thing about it is that strangers would say “oh you don’t know how lucky you are [to be healthy]’’ and Id be like yeaaa my life sucks. i put myself through emotional effing roller coasters to be this beautiful.

Its like we both desperately envy each other…Lol@life…  

Excuse me while I go fatten myself up…

yoshiesque yoshiesque
18-21, F
2 Responses Jul 11, 2010

I used to be like you too, obsessed with being as healthy as possible. eventually I realized that that in itself is a kind of eating disorder. a truly healthy person eats what their body (not their mind) desires, when their body desires it, and stops when their body is full. this kind of truly healthy person is at peace with what her body looks likes, and cares about properly nourishing her body and soul. she does not think obsessively about food, about how many calories or grams of fat and fiber and protein are in everything. she merely eats what her body needs. I have not yet reached this state, but it is my goal to get there one day. I have had moments of it in my life, and found it wonderful. good luck on your own journey, and please don't let your "healthiness" get out of control. it can be dangerous.

Life is like that, it seems; everyone thinks the grass is greener on the other side. In reality, I don't think it is, barring extreme cases, because people's suffering is mostly relative to their perceptions, and their perceptions are mostly colored by their prior experiences.