I Am 40, No Money, No Steady Job, And No Family What Good Is Left For Me?I just turned 40 last week. Instead of feeling happy, I was miserable and cried in my room. I so hated the moment when I turned 40. Looking back my life, what had I done in my life? I finished college and graduate school with high GPA. But that is all. I have not really built up my career. I have not met the love of my life and I have no kids. After being laid off, I live with my family. I have a small job but I haven't found a job in my field.
Since I have been struggling financially, I have to depend on my family. I hate it. When I was a teenager, I thought age 40 was such an old age. Now I am 40, I had never imagined that I would be still single. I had wished I could stop the time. These days I have been looking back my past, I am remembering all those mistakes that I made in my life. I wished I were more outgoing. I wish I were braver.
Especially I have deep regrets about my love life. I wish I had not been too serious about men that I fell in love with. Several months ago, a guy that I truly loved in my entire life left me and now he has someone new. I thought he was the love of my life (and he said the same thing, too.) He broke my heart terribly. What do I do without him? I am angry myself for not being able to find the one. What is wrong with me?
I am 40. I am afriad of not meeting love of my life. I am afriad of not being able to have my own children. I am definitely losing market value in the dating market. Am I end up being a nun?
My worst fear is this. All of the people I feel close to die (my family and close friends). I will just get old and live by myself struggling financially. I eventually will start having health issues and eventually die alone. No one will find me dead until my body starts decomposing.
I know I will die someday. But I don't want to live the rest of my life being alone and feeling lonely all the time like now. I don't know where to start to adverse my fear.