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What Have I Tought My Children?

I'm going thru a divorce from my husband of 20 years.

After about 8 years of horrible verbal abuse that turned physical about 3 years ago, I had an affair and confessed to my husband about it. His response was to move out and file for divorce based on adultery.

I am of course answering the divorce with my own recount of the alcoholism (his) and abuse. OUr youngest child just left for college this year and I'm now worried about what permanent affect my staying with my husband through the abuse may have caused them.  Like his father, my eldest is a hot head with a horrible temper and quick to pick a fight. Our daughter has just left for college and swears to me she'll never get married because it seems jsut " too hard" to her.

My children have witnessed fighting between me an dmy husband on at least 3 occasions - I've had brusies and once had to tell my dauthter not to call the police.

While everything was happening on a day to day basis, I think I just bloced out what damage was being done to the kids. Now that he isn't living here anymore I have a lot of time on my hands to relfect and think about things and now I really am sick to my stomach worrying about how to talk about this with my kids.

Do any of you have expereince in this area?

Thanks
joyce31996 joyce31996 46-50, F 3 Responses Oct 30, 2010

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Now im not a parent but i think you need to have youre kids come over to youre house and you guys need to sit down and have a long talk about what happened and explain to them why you stayed for so long and how sorry you are that they had to see what that man did to you if you dont they will follow in youre foot steps i am sure you love youre kids more then anything in the world start at the begining of everything from when you met youre husband all the up till you left him let them learn from youre mistakes i think you made the best descision when you left youre husband tell youre daughter that its ok to get married just tell her to wait till she meets the right guy before she dose its not to late to set things right with youre kids they just need guidence from you i hope everything turns out good for you and youre family my best wishes and preyers to you all

My parents abused and cheated on each other. My sisters and I are a product of that toxic relationship!! I would like to talk to you more about your situation if you would like. Thanks for posting.

Yea my dad abused my mom and she stayed with him until I was 13 it totally made me a hateful person. When women stay the children are the ones who grow up and carry it and suffer the long term effects.