Violent Relationships....kill

A friend that I met here, just a few days ago, has committed suicide. Her user name was Paulaforever. We met through a question that she asked. We communicated, and because of the post she wrote, I became aware of her violent history.

She had been beaten, just days before. The boyfriend was responsible for the battery, and was  temporarily in jail. Paula, did go into hiding. She gave up ownership to half of the home, just so that she could  go into hiding and not be located. She quit her job for the same reason.  But you see, you can't run from the fear inside you, the panic inside you, and  so that fear and panic took over.. 

Violent relationships, are evil, and if you know someone dealing with that type of life, please reach out, try to help and encourage them to  leave. I was only an acquaintance of Paulaforever,  through EP, and a new acquaintance, and so I  had little impact. But I am glad I at least tried.

People matter, what happens to them matters. How you treat each other matters. 

I want to add a post script.

Daveylovesyou, is the  ex of Paula, and the father of her 2 children..he tried to help Paula..he offered her safety, but she was too afraid to accept.If  you can, please offer comfort and condolences to Daveylovesyou, because  he too is a victim in this. To find him, look at my profile, Davey is the first friend...

neuilly neuilly
61-65, F
37 Responses Jan 19, 2013

Sorry she is lost to us, but thank you for trying. Just a week ago I contacted you concerning another who was thinking of taking her own life, and you were quick to respond. We are very fortunate to have one who shares her skills so readily.

So heart wrenching....I am grateful though, that Paula had you to talk to in her last days...we can't always help in the ways we want to, or the way we think we ought to...but rest assured, you were some comfort to Paula...

My heart breaks for her 2 children....and for the ones who loved her, who are left behind....

Women needto listen to their gut and get out of these abusive relationships sooner. once these men get their hold on you, it is destruction. i am so sorry to hear she is gone.

I'm sure you were a comfort to her. But when you're under that kind of stress, there's really not much anyone can do. There are a lot of horrific things I haven't been through, but the fear of someone dangerous finding you... Well. I think it's enough to make anyone consider suicide. But the fact that you tried is impressive. Most people don't even do that. I sincerely hope she is at peace now.

This is so sad. Thank you for being there for her in her time of need. This saddens me that some sick and twisted man could make a woman do this. I hope he feels the guilt and anguish for this beautiful life that he took for the rest of his days. God bless you for being a good person. We need more of you in this world!!!

Thats terrible :( heart crushing

I want to take a few Moments to thank you for all you have done in writing this one simple post. I myself just escaped a violent relationship with my two kids. I am currently in hiding and have a OFP (like a restraining order). Though that has not stopped her from finding out almost exactly where I am. I am surrounded by people trying to keep me safe but still live most days in fear. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for showing me even complete strangers can care.

be brave. most people have no concept of the reality of having to take drastic steps of having to flee,of having to live in a shelter. they say the words but have no grasp of what it involves.. my heart goes out to you, and to all the people who are helping you. ((((((((hugs)))))))))

.......... very bad........very sad........hhhmmmmpppp.........We do really need sometimes....some spoke out what is our pain inside........Friends must be also observant to there friends...they might laugh or smile in your front but there is something inside their heart that 's shouting...HELP!!!!HELP!!!!HELP!!!! can you help me..........Wil unless you open up nobody will know.....that is a very sad experience.....thank you for writing this it makes me aware... O_O

This is sad. I used to have in my circle an EP member with the same problem, I understood her perfectly because I went through the same situation. But what happens when simple words from a person who lives far away are not enough to convince a victim not to commit suicide? the hope is lost to the point they don't see another option but that. I wish there could be a hotline or a ip address tracker that can locate the people who really need this kind of help, becuase I think a victim is already in so much fear to make reasonable decision.

:( Aww no. What's also sad is that that story sounds familiar. I know someone who went through that as well, actually more than one person. Thankfully, it turned out okay for them.

So sad...another life destroyed due to abuse. RIP Paula!
Glad to see though that you have tried to reach out to her, you have been a good friend to her, even if it was for just a short time.

RIP PAULA :'( this breaks my heart

damn abusive people!!!! They are blind by their ignorance and hatred... Im sorry to hear that

Sobering reminder.

I'll just second SunniL.

So Sad thank you for writing this.

This story breaks my heart.
Ladies (and sometimes gents)...
PLEASE, seek help!
There are several different ways to do this.
If you need a hand in pointing you in the right direction, I am ALWAYS willing to give you the phone numbers and places that CAN help here in the USA. I will more than happily look into these numbers and places if you live in another country that recognizes domestic violence.

Think about this if you are one these struggling people:
-You let your batterer win by taking your life.
-You leave your children who need you. Sometimes those children are left in the hands of the person who has been hurting you.
-The people who love you and have not hurt you are left trying to figure out what they could have done to help you if you had gone to them. SILENCE KILLS.

Daveylovesyou, take care of those precious beings in your charge now. My condolences.

God bless her soul, her family and you for trying to support someone who really need it. Real people exist on the other side of this computer, and when you see someones cry for help we owe it to them to try to offer some support.

That's such a sad story neuilly. I can't imagine how frightening it must be to live in a situation like that. I'm lucky never to have had to face such things. The poor woman. Condolences to her family and anyone who knew her.

i am very sorry for paulaforever, she mustve felt so lost, i feel sad, bless her soul n family

I am sorry to hear about this woman. I wish I could do more to help people like this rather than sitting at a laptop and commenting from afar. :(

well, but given the chance, you would, And that is really all we can do. and that is what the post really is about. Paying attention to what people are saying, and reaching out with your heart to offer comfort, support, information, is incredibly important.

When people are in the midst of a crisis,they are rattled, and can't think clearly. Sometimes, someone saying the right thing, offering information,can help them see an option that was not known to that person.

I,too,is sadly an emotionally abused wife...Many times I thought of killing myself to end my suffering.There's no written paper between us when he told me to find another guy to love coz he loves his gf so much but he insisted that we stay on the same house for the kids.It is not easy.There are times that I think there is no God.I am quite okay now though.

Well I am glad that you are better now and I wish you all the best for your future. Good luck!

OW!!!Another one hurting because man is selfish! God will cover you under his wings....STILL song

yh i was thinking that aswell how do u know she comitted suicide?

hey i am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend - yes i agree with you that each one of us have the responsibilty to encourage people that are involved in these kind of relationships to leave - because they are not worth it - we all deserve someone great and wonderful in our lives - and once again i am very sorry to hear about your loss

Omg thats so sad how old was she....alot of people get abused bt stay quiet because they scared of the person or the consequences....people hu abuse others make me sick

Unfortunately, too frequently, people turn the other way and do not want to get involved. I know, I became invisible during my own problems, which only aids your aggressor, you feel even more worthless. Just a trusty soul in the picture can do so much to help give you strength

I would small voice, that offers a positive solution, can make a difference.

How can u know she did committed suicide?

They found the note, the police know what she did..

I m so sorry..

that is horrific.

ATTENTION EVERYONE!! Please read Neuilly's story "In Memory of Paulaforever".

Very sad

This story chills my spine. Dear Neuilly, you were a blessing to her in her last days. Your friendship must have seemed golden at such a time. Thank you for being the person you are. We at EP need more people like you. {{{hugs}}}

Thank you enna, and i did follow your suggestion that you sent me in a pm , and did create a ..."in memory of paulaforever group". interesting..her name..Paulaforever..i don't think she had that meaning in mind when she created her name..that her name...Paulaforever... would be placed as a memorial..

Omg thats so sad

That is so sad. How did you find out?

The EX of Paula, posted the notice on his whiteboard, and posted a story about it , and i saw it. He has few friends here.. He too is new..He too is a victim of this. Paula is the mother of his children.

I think I see. Very sad.

Prayers. Awful situation. I wish there was a way for all these people to get away from such violence. Or it they would realize that they did not ask for this and should never stay. There is never a good reason. So sad.

I would agree. i wish that people were more aware of the understanding, that abusive behavior was never acceptable. That when we interact with others, each individual is worthy of respect, and and kindness, and fair treatment.

Absolutely they are. Sometimes people lose their way and are crying for help but they are so lost within themselves they can't see when someone is trying to help. We can keep trying.


Thanks for posting this sad story. It sure helps highlighting this ugly menace that is going on unabated in almost every society and place. We also need to identify the root cause for such inhuman behaviour and try to find solutions. May Paula's soul rest in peace.

thats a terribly sad story

i have decided to send all of my 300 friends a gift. A gift, concerning the death of paulaforever.i did this, because Paula was a new member here, and had perhaps 10 friends here, and so no one really knew her..And I did not want her passing to go un-noticed..To me, her being here did. Her story here mattered. Her being here, was for a reason, and so i will do my part, to get that message out..the lady did not endure what she did, for no reason. I want there to be some value associated with this event. Perhaps some person somewhere, will realize what happened to Paula, and make different decisions. Maybe they will be more willing to accept the help offered to them, or at least be the one offering to help.and least i did what I could to get people to reflect on the fact that, the people at EP, are real, and they suffer real consequences..they are not just words on a is not just about sex, and lewd behavior..there are real tears that get expressed here at EP. There are serious situations that happen here at EP. There are individuals hanging by a thread here at EP

I am a survivor of Domestic violence. My ex this pos scumbag beat the **** out of me daily it got to the point where me n him would fight like to niggas on the street !!! He threatened my life many times told me if u leave me ill kill u !! In march 2012 he was arrested n sentenced to 5 yrs in jail since then he's got 2 warrants served for violation of nocontact order he doesnt get it and prouble never will. I still fear he'll keep his promise he made to me he's a gang banger n I kno he's homies would takr care of it for him. It's a constent fear a women has when she leaves a abusive relationship and if it wasn't for my fiance I proudly would of jumped off a bridge !!!! He's promised me that nobody will ever hurt me ever again n for the first time in a long time I actually feel save !!!!

be safe..Always watch your back, because these people, don't forget, and do follow through with threats.
Find a way to live your life, where you have as little contact with your ex and his friends as possible. Stay off face book, live as anonymously as you can.