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I Fear I Have Lost Him

He IS the love of my life. after 3 and a half years he says he needs space and time alone, and that for now we must go our sperate ways. he says we might get back together and try again, maybe in afew months, maybe after a year. he says he still cares for me, and wants to be my friend. but at the time in his life, he needs to sort things out, get a stable job going , and work out what he really wants.

he told me a lasting relationship knows when to take a step back, and away from each other, but also to know when its right to be together'
i have a lot of mixed emotions. really struggling. hope we make it. im giving him respect, and space. i just hope he realises he wants us to be.

im taking it one day at a time, one month at a time. trying not to look so far into the future. if its meant to be it will be. im turning to prayer and my family. i want to pray for him , and us, and myself. i want him to feel better, clear his mind. i know hes a good man, always treated me well. so i really cant face the prospect of this being over. after so long- 3 and a half years.

im in love with him, and waiting. i hope i get through this, and can come on this site and say ' im happy' cause right now i am feeling every negative and emotional feeling possible.
AllyPally AllyPally 18-21, F 14 Responses Oct 1, 2010

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maybe i can add on mine experience... ally, i am no better than you..<br />
<br />
i am in love with a man who promised me to be with me and take care of me when i moved abroad but when i really did it not to his country to another country because I need to study nursing there in order to have better chance to get to his country, and so ended my first relationship after 8 years with alot of pain and with very little money, i worked very hard to make a living, with different jobs and trying to finish nursing study to be with him...<br />
<br />
i could not study first 6 months, because I moved to 3 places...carrying my luggage one place to another...<br />
<br />
and i was alone abroad on my own, with very little friends....i had to seek apartment myself, find jobs and not knowing the language....i was ...depressed....after long struggle....<br />
<br />
and was still very hopeful and in love with him...hoping he will appreciate me....of my hardship...<br />
<br />
until eveyr time I told him my toughness, he had very little empathy, more like...self centrism, it is not like he dont care.. he does... but just perhaps, I gave too much and it is one party that is doing the work... and he lacks of experience...<br />
<br />
i often found myself even more upset after sharing life with him....<br />
<br />
he doesnt have a phone, non mobile, and the only time we chat is only when we meet online... at a meeting time...<br />
<br />
I feel very very lonely, and I often came back, took off my shoes and sat at the doorside crying,...<br />
I slept crying, hurt...too.<br />
<br />
It has been for that 2 years until I realised he has another partner ...<br />
<br />
and he will never be able to be with me for the rest of my life, <br />
<br />
...even if i moved to his country, ...<br />
<br />
I am still on my very very own,,<br />
<br />
I didnt know what is loneliness until I am in loneliness... it is alright to be alone, but no matter how strong a person is, <br />
<br />
it sometimes can kill all spirit of a person with the power of love.<br />
<br />
love can heal and so can love hurts....<br />
<br />
I am alone and lonely too, just like you...

maybe i can add on mine experience... ally, i am no better than you..<br />
<br />
i am in love with a man who promised me to be with me and take care of me when i moved abroad but when i really did it not to his country to another country because I need to study nursing there in order to have better chance to get to his country, and so ended my first relationship after 8 years with alot of pain and with very little money, i worked very hard to make a living, with different jobs and trying to finish nursing study to be with him...<br />
<br />
i could not study first 6 months, because I moved to 3 places...carrying my luggage one place to another...<br />
<br />
and i was alone abroad on my own, with very little friends....i had to seek apartment myself, find jobs and not knowing the language....i was ...depressed....after long struggle....<br />
<br />
and was still very hopeful and in love with him...hoping he will appreciate me....of my hardship...<br />
<br />
until eveyr time I told him my toughness, he had very little empathy, more like...self centrism, it is not like he dont care.. he does... but just perhaps, I gave too much and it is one party that is doing the work... and he lacks of experience...<br />
<br />
i often found myself even more upset after sharing life with him....<br />
<br />
he doesnt have a phone, non mobile, and the only time we chat is only when we meet online... at a meeting time...<br />
<br />
I feel very very lonely, and I often came back, took off my shoes and sat at the doorside crying,...<br />
I slept crying, hurt...too.<br />
<br />
It has been for that 2 years until I realised he has another partner ...<br />
<br />
and he will never be able to be with me for the rest of my life, <br />
<br />
...even if i moved to his country, ...<br />
<br />
I am still on my very very own,,<br />
<br />
I didnt know what is loneliness until I am in loneliness... it is alright to be alone, but no matter how strong a person is, <br />
<br />
it sometimes can kill all spirit of a person with the power of love.<br />
<br />
love can heal and so can love hurts....<br />
<br />
I am alone and lonely too, just like you...

I hope that you are now feeling so much better! Today is 06/08/2011 and I hope and pray you are in good spirits...no....great spirits..remember that you are not alone...each and every one of us has our own struggles to deal with and each and every one of us have tears we have shed in large quantity. Sometimes while out in the rain I wonder to myself if over the course of my lifetime my eyes have "leaked" as much as the water coming from the sky. Smile and live with joy in your heart!

I 'm going through the same situation but the difference is i gave him space by myself so that he may realise my importane but i know it will not work. But you know i do pray for you so that you can get your love back. Best wishes*HUGS*

Sometimes you need to know when someones charpet in your life is over. hes a good man indeed is letting you go in a very good way. the only time a man needs space is to open a door for a new one. he want you to forget about him very slow and in a good way. just let go. sometimes we pray to go about somethings that god has not planned for us. Maybe God has something Good for you.

omg,this sounds sooo similar to my life!It's so weird to read about my life by s/o else...<br />
I know what it's like ,I can totally relate to this... I hope things got better since then...<br />
:-)

aww thanks. We are much better now, taking it slowly. Hope everything works out for you. The right person will come along, dont look for it, itll find you :)

I feel for you ally but you miss the sound of his voice, and the smell of him, and the wonderful things you shared, I'v learned after losing my true love at 51 that this too shall pass, hang in there.

hey ally...itll be ok in the end....it's not a bad thing to wait but u also have to open your doors to other people too...go out and have fun...never forget the times you had with him coz i know u really loved him..and maybe you still do...but that dusnt mean you have to focus on just waiting for him..go out and explore the world..hu knows maybe ull find sumthing...but when ur guy comes back to you...then maybe ur meant for each other and if that happens..never ever let him go..:)

you will be ok, ally. i can hardly wait to hear your "new" love adventures that are comming soon....you will learn so much about yourself from all of this....

thanks just hard to see it that way, right now all my hope is what is going to happen in the near future. the next few months. but thanks, whatever ismeant to happen will happen.

ally, you do love him now, but you will not be the same person 6mos or even 2 years from now. you may not be IN love with him.....but, you will always love the times you had with him. there are thoughts, desires and needs coming into your life, you don't even feel yet. So many thing happen as you mature.....just enjoy what and who, life brings to you as you develope into a smart, independant woman...it will get better....a lot better, you'll see...

thanks for rthe comment. I am so much on edge, depressed sad and lonely. such a weird cocktail of emotion, but wow 12 years and children is much more devastating than mine.<br />
glad you got over it, and moved on, and saw that it was right. <br />
as for me, i know i will cope and get better in time, its just this 'phase' the no communication, no talking, not knowing where he is, who he is with, what he is doing phase that is just so darn difficult.<br />
<br />
i hope he comes back , i may sound needy, but he just gave me everything i needed in life. never will i love anyone like i loved him, so i hope its not the end.

my ex wife did the exact same thing... but you will get thru this its hard to deal with and puts you on edge... it was very hard for me because we had invested 12yrs.. and i thought she was being selfish because we had children... as it turns out i looked back over our relationship and it was me that always bended and tried to make things work... not her.. but she had alot more issues and i found out later... that it wasnt my fault....... but this might not be the case in your relationship.. communication and honesty is the best key