No One Really Gets It

My fear isn’t crippling and strangely enough when I am in pain I have an extremely high threshold for it but the thought of something that will cause me pain like jumping over something and possibly falling, anything to do with doctors and just things I know will hurt me I will avoid at all cost and it terrifies me.

I deal with it, I mean I would rather suffer in pain then go get a blood test or anything like that but still it hasn’t come to that yet. the thing that really bugs me is people’s reactions when I saw I’m terrified of pain, the look they give me, it’s not so much they don’t believe me but it’s like they just think I’m joking or an idiot but I deal with that to, hell I don’t really tell anyone so it doesn’t happen that often..... Until now.

I suffer with severe depression and I went and saw a mental doc a couple of days ago, they were asking me all these questions like about my home life and if I drink and all that then they asked if I have thoughts of suicide which I said yes, I’m not going to lie not going to get me anywhere but then she asked if I ever cut myself or if I have attempted suicide and I said no then went on to explain I have a fear of pain.

the look she gave me, it’s like she just wasn’t taking me serious for the rest of the time, I also mentioned I’m not looking for attention, I couldn’t care less about what others think if I did kill myself so cutting is just pointless and then I told her that if I was terrified of pain I know I would either be dead by this point of would attempt it every possible chance I have. Still she just kept acting like I was just whining about a bad day! It’s probably just my paranoia kicking in but either way it really bugged me.

Having this fear is really odd for me, it stops me from doing a lot but at the same time it doesn’t, it’s really conflicting but that doesn’t really matter either. I just don’t think they should treat my condition as less just because of this fear, I mean if I ever get around it that’s it, too late then.
Why is it only people who suffer from a fear/phobia understand how bad and sometimes annoying it is? Everyone else just seems to brush it off but maybe I just don’t have anyone around me who cares.
Rozen258 Rozen258
18-21, T
Jan 14, 2013