My Version Of Motherhood.

There are those that say that being a mom is the greatest thing that they hae ever experienced, that being home with their kids 24/7 is the most rewarding thing that they have ever done. In a way I envy those woman, in a way I wish that I could have that same feeling about being a mom but sadly I do not have that feeling. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids SO much and know that what I teach them will hopefully stick with them, what I teach them is what they will use later on in life. But sadly most days I just want to run away and hide. I just want them to be grown up already so that I can have my own life back. That may sound somewhat selfish but it's the truth. Maybe it's because most of the children in my household are not my own, I am their step-mom, even though I have had 2 out of the 3 for the longest, I am the most stable person that they have ever had in their life but because I am not their mom (which one reminds me often). I try to get their father to understand that being a step-parent is hard, that being a step-parent in some way makes you feel unappreciated in so many ways. How do you help someone understand something that they have never experienced or may never experience? I just try to take it from day to day, try not to let it get to me. Although there are days where I just want to run away and hid.
It also doesn't help that the kid's real mom is in and out of their lives, sometimes she'll be gone for months and months but the day she comes back it's like she had never left. The oldest of the boys have idealistic opinions of his mother, that she ever tells them lies, that his father and I are the ones that lie to him, she tells him that he has rights to choose who he lives with (mind you we have 100% custody of them because she didn't show up to any of the 12 custody dates to fight for them) But she puts these ideas into his head that causes so many problems in our home. The second to oldest boy was trying to tell us his opinion about what he felt about what his mother had done and the oldest just jumped his ***, he feels that he needs to stick up for her no matter who is talking and no matter what they are talking about. What makes me even more mad is she has taught him to walk away from a situation or confrontation that he is in. I am trying to teach him that if there is a problem that he needs to go at it head on, keeping in control of his emotions will help him in real life but because she has said he just needs to walk away from anything that he doesn't want to deal with there are so many problems in this house because if he doesn't like the topic he thinks he can just ignore it. And I'm trying to teach him the opposite but what she says and tells him to do wins over what I say every time. What doesn't help that his father pretty much ignores everything that he does because he just wants me to hanlde it so he doesn't have to do anything. I have to say something to him to even get him to back me up when something goes wrong.
I thought that being a parent would be the greatest thing that I could ever do but once I became a stay at home mom and took on the kids full time I have some to realize that there are some woman that being a stay at home mom is not a good thing. I am that kind of mom. I feel like I am doing a better job at bringing home the bacon. I seem to clean the house more if I have been at work all day, that I want to clean, do laundry, and make my house look nice than if I have been here all day every day. When I use to work full time I would come home from work, make the kids dinner, do some laundry, clean up the mess that the kids made that day then head to bed to start the day over again the next day. Now that I am home every day I do nothing but sit on my butt and watch TV. I don't see the point to cleaning up when they are just going to make the house a mess again the next day. I give props to those that find the ultimate joy from being a parent that is home every day with their kids, that they know no better joy than teaching their kids what to they need, doing all the house work, and enjoy all that it is to be a stay at home mom...I am not that parent. I only have to go about 8 more months until my youngest will be in school full time and then I can go back to work everyday!!!
scarrlettfever scarrlettfever
26-30, F
1 Response Jan 13, 2013

Some women need to be part of the work force or they feel like something is missing and then they resent being consumed by the children. Other women enjoy staying home with their children and feel it is a blessing. I adopted 4 years ago and have had a hard time bonding with my adopted daughter because of her behavioral issues. And at times it seems that she fights me on everything. Work was a relief for me and though I love her, it remains a very difficult relationship that at times I resent. Almost everyday for her sake, I am glad we adopted her. And everyday, for my sake, I regret it.
But now I have my own biological child and I love being home with her. The bond was instant. Some things take more work than others but unless you are afraid of a mental breakdown, giving up should not be an option. All children need someone!!! And truth be told, it's hard to get others to understand. Wishing you the best.