A Famous Quote, "motherhood Is The Lonliest Place A Woman Can Ever Face."

I heard that quote once and it never really sunk in until I had my own child.  He's 2 and a half now.  As far as toddlers go I guess he's pretty good.  He's not the problem.  He's 2.  He's suppose to be needy, hyper, bad, and good all in the same five minute period.  I work full time and have a husband.  I have a lot of friends.  It's funny though, when you are pregnant, people come out of the woodwork to support you.  They throw you showers, take you shopping and rally around you.  Once the baby comes, and the newness of the new life wears off, your friends start to dissapear.  Going out becomes a thing of the past.  You start to hear phrases such as, "this is an adult party so..."  People at work talk about movies and say, "Have you seen it yet?  You should go and see it."  They have no understanding, sympathy, or care that you would kill to see that movie, but you either A) can't get a babysitter or B) can't afford to do the movie, the popcorn, and the babysitter.  My family lives in another state so holiday's are lonely and the concept of going out on New Years Eve becomes such an arduous task that it isnt even worth it.  People in this country are so sanctimonious and refuse to let women talk about the fact that sometimes they just can't go on anymore.  No one ever talks about the lonliness that mothers actually go through.  It's considered a sin.

I believe whole heartedly that women should love themselves first and their families second.  If you can't take care and love yourself, then taking care of your family becomes difficult and possibly impossible.  Sometimes I just want to walk away.  Sometimes I wonder what was I thinking to have a baby.  Sometimes I think that I'm the only woman with these feelings.  Motherhood isn't romantic.  It's not a movie or Hallmark commercial.  It's scary and lonely.  It doesn't have to be, though.  If people had just a shred of understanding and empathy, then mothers wouldn't feel like this.  Instead of talking about the movie, why doesn't someone turn to the mother and say, "Hey, I saw this great movie.  Can I watch your child for a few hours so you can enjoy it, too?"  We need help.  We aren't superwomen with a cape.  We work full time regardless if it's in the workforce or the home.  We need to open the dialogue and start talking about the beauty and the lonliness of motherhood.  We need to start understanding and helping out.  Sometimes I sit at home and cry and hope for someone, anyone to show up at my door and say, "Go take a break.  I've got him now."

Penguinfriends Penguinfriends
36-40, F
3 Responses Nov 16, 2009

I love that quote and gosh how I agree with everything said here and in comments. I am hopelessly sad, awfully lonely since I've moved in a big city with two babies. I feel my life just fell apart. Being a mother was one of my biggest dream but it has a price to pay so it seems.<br />
I so need a vacation time and cannot.Nothing,no one.I never find another person who could be a friend and could relate and share with me, could share support and understanding. I never have a break and now it's been 27 months( age of my daughter)and my son is almost 10 months. I am drained.Besides I'm depressive( kinda bipolar) which does not help but had some good years and now it's been almost a year in hell and I hate it, I can t bear this life. Not that I would want my life back, I could not live without my babies, without being a mother, it saves me soul in many ways but the loneliness and the fatigue of the non stop work of being a stay at home mother in a place you hate and dont feel "home".I have tried hard to make friends, pushed myself, I have anxiety disorder but I forced myself to go out to meet other mothers and especially other children for mine so they can have friends to play. but everything remains so shallow, no bonds created, no interesting conversation or sharing. Am I the only lonely mother where I live?I'm really about to explode, I look quiet, extremely sad( no make up ever when I used to be Miss Narcissistic! :o) I dont recognize myself anymore, I feel dead, and so seems my relationship with my husband :-(

And until more women like us are willing to say something about it, it is going to continue to be taboo for a mother to say "I've had enough!" and have someone take over.<br />
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I wholeheartedly agree with you, although I'm replying quite a bit after the fact. I am experiencing the almost three year old girl right now, which... GOODNESS, I can admit I need a LOT of help sometimes. Being a mother isn't hard, but being alone is. Even if you have support raising the children from a spouse, being a mother is a full time job and sometimes you need some "vacation" time.<br />
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Especially since I have had clinical depression since I was around fourteen years old, my family knows that I have moments where there is nothing more I'd like to do that just disappear forever. These moments aren't necessarily "suicidal", nor are they negative, just those crisis moments where it's as if the whole world is collapsing on you and you're the only one that notices the sky is falling! So I ended up making a deal with my parents, since I'm unfortunately unemployed at the moment, I spend all day with my daughter trying my hardest to make the day fun and exciting for her. I get through the day with the knowledge that at the end of the day, for a couple hours a night, my parents are able to watch her (they LOVE the time they get to spend with her) and I get some alone time to do anything. Take a long, luxurious bath, go to the movies with my hunny, take a long walk, or even to just read a book quietly to myself.<br />
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It has made things so much more bearable that those crisis moments are fewer and farther between. It is difficult though, when there is no one to help, even though there are many mothers all over the world who are probably experiencing the exact same thing, it feels as if you are the only one. It feels like you are such a horrible mother, because you want someone to take your kid so you can have a break. It feels as if you are completely alone in these moments.<br />
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I know your child is probably around five now, but I'm certain you are a strong woman and that if you have made it to this point, you will make it the rest of the way.

Honey, I have 2 kids and I am tired! I had no problem withmotherhood with my first child, but once I had my second child the combination of being a mother to two kids started driving me crazy. I love my children, but I feel like I don't have a life a lot of the time. So, I understand your feeling of wanting to run, but just holding to your child smiling or saying, I love you and it will keep you there.