I Am Always Scared That I Am Going To Do Something Bad In My Life

I always get the feeling, that God may not protect me forever, and eventually Satan will take control, and then I will end up going off on someone, or attacking someone. I am very afraid of that. I am always scared, what if I am not following the storyline. It always seem like God is trying to get rid of me, somehow. I always feel like the storyline wants me out of the picture. I just don't know why. But how long is the storyline going to keep me in this world. It just feels like the storyline wants me out.  Now you may say storyline, but I am talking about life storyline. The life storyline,of life. I think that deep inside, God don't think I am capable of having kids, because I avoided girls all my life. I CAN HAVE KIDS, I may need surgery on my left testicle, but I CAN HAVE KIDS, Sure I wasted my ***** on playing with myself. But I can still and will have kids. My dad is afraid that he will not be a grandfather. I CAN HAVE KIDS, and I can be a dad. Then if Good ol' God, think I couldn't. Then why was I born. It is so easy to be a father. I always think that did I pass the deadline, of being a father. My two female older cousins aren't mothers. And my cousin under me, aren't mothers. So, are they failing God's mission. I don't know why everyone thinks it's so important to have a girlfriend. When I get the girl, I can be her baby-daddy, as they say. I just don't understand, my father stupid *** philosophy, that it is like a deadline. I am ******* sick and tired of this. If he wants to kick me out, then do it. I am going to be here, until I graduate from College. I don't know how long it takes. I do need to increase my credit hours.

chicago54 chicago54
22-25, M
Mar 5, 2010