I Do Feel Like An Out of Place Alien!

I was trying to think of a group to fit what i wanted to write in and this popped up.. damn how appropriate! I am that lost, homely alien that doesnt belong in this world and simply wants to go back to wherever the hell home is. Because god, it cant be here, I dont fit here.

I have tried and tried to love, give all my heart, all my strength and energy to every friendship, lover, job, being a mom, everything that has come into my life. I have been used, played, lied to and many more joyous things that we wont get into here. Time and time again, even the people that you would think were supposed to love you, support you have slapped me down. I know, Im having my own personal pity party. Im not blaming anyone but myself. Something inside me, some ugly charachter defect, something alien must be making this happen. Proving to me again and again that I dont belong. I cant handle it, the heartache any more. My mother ship is no where on the horizon, I havent found a phone that will enable me to summon it. Perhaps Im the only one of my kind.

searchingformeaning searchingformeaning
36-40, F
1 Response Mar 27, 2009

You're not the only one of your kind. I too have this problem. Or at least I hope this is true. I feel as though something inside me is different. Like I don't belong here on this planet, with these people, or in this plane of existence. I have tried so hard to fit in, to find friends(keep them), and to be happy. I'm a very spiritual person, but it's not like any other spirituality I have come across in other people. I feel like I am some other being trapped in the body of a human, left here to be tortured by the myself. I'm not quite depressed about this situation, but rather very home sick. Over the last few years I have grown more and more disgusted by people, to the point that I can't relate to anything they think is "cool" or whatever. I can't handle the bad racist, sexist and morbid jokes. Or the morels that most people seem to have. The violence, and lack of compassion for others. The way the majority of people judge each other, and simply just don't care about each others well being. I find good in all, but the bad that I see on the outside out ways it. <br />
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If I can't go home then I would be happy finding people with the same problem.