If I Gotta Scream 'till I Have Half a Lung...

Well the truth is I've been screaming, my heart has been aching because I feel a bit lost. My boyfriend doesn't listen to how I feel, sometimes I just need to feel comfort or...something, and he who understands a lot better than anyone else seems to not want to listen anymore. I feel that I don't matter in a way because I have to listen to how he feels I give him advice and everything but when it comes to me, there's nothing. He tells me "Don't feel that way." Or.."What do you want me to say? I've got nothing."

Not so comforting.

We used to talk so much and he used to listen about how things bother me but now things have gotten a lot more confusing because of every day drama's involving work, and the money that I make.

And when I ask him how he feels about me he says "I've already told you." But sometimes, I just need to be reminded because every day I have never had someone tell me that I'm acrually important, that there isn't anything wrong with me. But if I tell anyone here, even my mother, my dad and my sister they all yell at me and tell me how bad of a daughter I am.

My sister makes my mom upset all the time but when I do something that isn't even half bad she runs to my aunts house and they tell me that I need to treat her better, I need to do these nice things for her.
My dad tells me that I need to do all these nice things for her.
I already give her my whole paycheck what more do they want?
I'm the only one who has a job here, I'm the only one who does something other than sit upstairs and play poker, or go out of the city to do coke.

I don't know what everyone wants from me, they tell me to do all these things but seriously, I'm losing it.

I just have no one to talk to, no one to listen I just have to get up and smile and then when I don't and they ask what's wrong it's just like, "oh." 
But seriously, I'm so lost.

I can't do this on my own anymore...ugh.

queenisabella queenisabella
18-21, F
4 Responses Mar 21, 2009

I am the youngest in my family as well and I do find I am pretty mature. I find that I grew up way too fast. All I do is work and spend some time with my boyfriend but he ends up calling me lazy even though he never wants to do things that I want to do and he never has things to do. <br />
<br />
I'm sorry it's like that for you, it's so unfair that you had to go through that as well. <br />
Hugs for you!<br />
<br />
I totally agree it's like that as well, my sister isn't here so much but when she is it seems like she does pretty much everything and my father thinks he should be awarded because he cooks and cleans. <br />
Ugh, it's stressful is it not?

Hey.<br />
<br />
I sympathize. No matter how much I do for my family they always give out to me, and say that I never help around the place. I'm always getting in trouble for things that wouldn't be mentioned if my brother or sister did them. I'm the youngest, but I'm not young anymore, and I'm mature. I have problems, definately, but they're emotional, they're not going to get better with people screaming at me. I don't need that. Then I get given out to for never talking, when every conversation I try and have at home ends with them criticizing me. I've moved into town for university, and I often only go home at the weekends because my two dog's, Cleo and Lucy, miss me if I'm gone for too long.<br />
<br />
I feel insignificant too. Do you ever feel like any little thing your siblings or friends do is awarded, but no matter what you do, it's brushed to the side?<br />
<br />
Queenisabella, Missy07, have a hug!

Yes I do believe that's how it is for me, it's really fusterating and you do all that you can and yet they make it seem like it's nothing ya know? <br />
I don't understand why it's like that, but it's driving me crazy.

My life is kind of the same.. People can be very cruel and I seriously don't understand why.. especially when you are trying the best you can. I think the feeling is called "Insignificant." Because I swear that's how others make me feel. Is it the same for you?