Pointless Life

i can't find anything that i want to do in life ,i sleep by day stay up all night ,even if my mother forced me to help her with sth. i try not to do it but if i can't find any way out of it i'll do it while am suffering then i'll get back to sleep ,when everyone get to bed that's when i wake up and even then i do nothing i just play lots of PlayStation and watch TV when i get tired of playing ,what kind of a ****** up life is that ...
waking up in the morning is my greatest fears i hate that's why i don't do it.
i have no hobbies not good ones anyways ,no dreams nothing to live for ,am just stuck inside me.
i have tried many times to change and every time i wind up exactly where i started that i can't take it anymore when you promise yourself big things and fill your heart with hope just to let yourself down again it hurts so much that i decided i should stop trying ,but why do i live i can't find any reason ,what's the point i can't seem to find any reason for anything ,everything seems pointless even writing this story what deference will it make nothing no matter what everything is gonna be the same unless a miracle happens and am pretty convinced by now that miracles never happen at least not to me nothing ever happens to me ...............
don't worry am not going to kill myself i see no point for that too......

deleted deleted
26-30
1 Response Jul 19, 2010

First of all, stop thinking like that! <br />
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Life has always no meaing untill you find it. I know more then anyone how it feels when everything just go down. Everything you want, do gets useless and u start to thing why i should i go on. This Life suck, prehaps it's right. But only if you think like that. <br />
Miracle, you said that doesn't exist right but your wrong, there always a miracle, but do you know why you can't see it. Because you ignore everything wich is pointless. <br />
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My dad died when i was very young, and that before i my brithday becouse of a f** mistake of some Doctor's, That time, i didn't know how the world out is, i had no one, who helped me i was alone, i was the only one who could take of my mum. you know how many time my mum told me i was the reason, that my dad died. That she wished if i would not here he would still alive? Those days, time i felt to run away, just dissaper becouse i thought no one need me. There were lot of times, i wished there was someone, who would tell me that It wasn't my fault, just free me from the chage of myself. <br />
Life is Pointless, but if you don't move your *** out, say to youself that there is something you want go for, you will always find a miracle. In this **** world nothing is free. <br />
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If i had give up all those time when everyone make feel like a ****, i think i won't able to write this to you.