Venting

i just want to be loved, and be inlove. i want to say that i feel i am in the right track but i said the same thing last year and nothing happend. 2012 was nothing for me. nothing happened literally. nothing. every day was like the one before it. yet i don't want to die, i want to live and prove to myself that i am not a waste of existance. if only i could get a good job, if only i had the means to move out and live a happy fulfilling life. what will become of my life? the only reason why i don't commit suicide is because i will be making my narcissistic mother happy and give her eternal narcissistic supply with all the pity she will get afterwards. that's really the only reason why. i don't have any friends, no one who loves me. alot of people who hate me thanks to my narcissistic mother. i don't know what to do? sometimes i feel like i would be happy even with a guy i don't love. i would be happy for just the company and support solely but i can't even find a guy that would offer that. why am i having such bad luck with men? and friends?? and everyone in my family that hardly knows me yet is sure of their hatred for me???

i hope one day i can look back on this and laugh............but i don't think that'll ever happen.

i just want all of this to end.

veronica4ever veronica4ever
26-30, F
Jan 14, 2013