Trust

 I don't trust people very well. But I started to trust this guy on this website. I haven't heard from him in a while and I just found out that he left the site. He didn't tell me at all. And the problem with him is he was the one who got me to stop cutting and all sort of self harm, but he left me. He used to make me feel like someone out there in the world, he would call me sweetheart and tell me it would all be alright. Now what. I want to cut myself so bad. The feeling, the rush, to see my blood running down my body is amazing. Don't tell me I crave attention, don't tell me I'm crazy. I cut where my friends and family can't see even if I'm left in my underwear. I can't say that you don't understand, but I don't want to hear it. he was my friend and he left me. how am I supposed to trust again?

whatamitosay whatamitosay
18-21, F
2 Responses Mar 11, 2009

I have to agree and completely love how sojourn wrote their comment. Well written. This friend may have stumbled across hard times himself and needs to regather himself. We have to all realize, myself included, that not everything another person does is directed towards me personally, we have to look beyond ourselves to see that life doesn't just revolve around "me". That anothers actions aren't purposely directed at us, but that there are a multitude of reasons for the behavior of others. As simple as not having payed internet access bills - out of work? - being ill, or a loved one is ill and they need to help them - a new job. You just never know, but please try not to think that it's you being abandoned, think about all the many other possibilities, and then move on.<br />
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one window may close, but another always opens...

this is a huge issue for me too. It's the second anniversary this upcoming week of two really close friends bailing on me, and I took it hard. It messed up my ability to trust anyone, even myself. I am just now starting to feel like maybe I can trust again.<br />
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All I can tell you is this...people do things based on what's going on in their lives, it is hardly ever about "us". He may have bailed because of something that came up that is taking all his time, energy, attention...he doesn't realize he's abandoned you, he is just trying to keep things together for himself.<br />
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One of the hardest things in relationships is that we can only control our side of them, the other side is always free to do or not do as they please. It's risky and wonderful all at the same time.<br />
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And we have the same freedom on our side...to do or not do as we choose. Sometimes we forget that and feel like a pawn in someone else's chess game, but we have rights as well.<br />
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Even though some relationships end, that doesn't mean we have to give up all that we gained from them. Even if he isn't there saying the things that helped you stop cutting now, those things are still true, and can still help you. You don't have to give it all up.<br />
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hugs