I Feel Alone Alot
Parents. They’re supposed to be the greatest joy in your life, your strength and pride. Well for me they were, ever since I was a little girl I remember all my birthday parties, holidays and weekends out together. I felt like nothing and no one could ever hurt me when I was with them, I felt like I was the center of the universe, well their universe that is. Sadly all that changed.
I had just lost my sister of 3 months old, I was the only child again, I was 8 years old at the time. My parents went through a really hard time for her loss, I had too. Until one day, one stupid unexpected day my father raped me… Why? I have no idea, I have been asking myself this over and over again throughout the years and yet no answer has been found. That day I lost my innocence and my most valued treasure my virginity. I still remember that day, and I remember feeling so disgusting with my friends in elementary, I felt like I had no place on this earth. I just prayed for God to take me away with my sister. It was a never ending nightmare, I later went on to Middle School and was really shy, I didn’t want to get to know people. And I have always been social; I've always liked making new friends. But this year was different for me, and in a way the same at home.
Things at home were out of control my dad drank Friday, Saturday and Sunday his friends were always trying to abuse me, none ever did thou thank God. I felt terrified being in my own home. My body started to go through puberty and I looked different, my mom was having an affair and later after 2 years of my sister’s death she had another girl, she was born healthy and was not my father’s child, I am the only one that is his. She always paid more attention to her and always left me with a neighbor, I felt like an outcast. In 7th grade I had my first real boyfriend, he was constantly after me for sex but I rejected him and said no, he then made up a story that we did have sex, and people would call me a ****. I didn’t care as long as they never found out how I lost my virginity. I never had the courage to call the police on my dad just because I felt in my heart like it was wrong and he was my father no matter what, I knew what he was doing was wrong, but I didn’t care as long as I didn’t have to see him put in jail. My mother walked in on him one day and she never brought it up or said a word about it.
He was always after me making sure I didn’t have boyfriends, he was over protective 1000% and never let me hang out with my friends, he would hit me and rape me whenever he got home drunk and my mom would kick him out of the room… He would come to my room and do his disgusting things to me, I remember one day I had a pregnancy scare, I tried killing myself that day I knew everyone would talk bad and hate me so I wanted to end it but I guess I wasn’t pregnant. He was scared too but that didn’t stop him, he raped me anywhere and at any time he wanted. He found out I had a boyfriend in 8th grade and took me out of school he made me drop out and made all of us go to live in Mexico, he still continued raping me. In 2007 my mother came back to the USA and she left me there with my dad alone he would tell me to run away with him and get married, L he would say that we could start a life together. I cried and begged God to take me now, but then my mom sent for me so I came back to the USA as well and my dad was mad and sad he tried coming too and as a result ended up in jail for something he owed over here. When I was here I felt free, like a new life was going to begin, my mom was back with her affair guy and got pregnant with his 2nd child, I got a boyfriend I had been crushing for years, and after a month of being here she told me one day. “Pack your things because we are going back to live in Mexico with your dad”. I cried and told her no she couldn't do that to us, to ME she said she didn’t care, I talked to my boyfriend and I told him about what my dad had done to me he begged me to tell my mom that maybe that would stop her, I said I couldn’t so I talked to my aunty and asked her if I could stay with her to live she said to talk to my mom. So I sat my mom down took a deep breath and told her EVERYTHING!!! She looked at me and said “You are a Effin liar that is not true I always took you for checkups and they never told me anything, he wouldn’t do that now pack your things and let’s go” I begged I cried and kicked and fought, and in the end it was no use she said I wasn’t 18 to make my own decisions and took me with her to Mexico, when we arrived my parents hugged and he hugged me I pushed him away and cried. He found out about my bf and said he was sorry about before and that he would change. He never did. He continued, and didn’t stop until he knew my bf was going to go see me and that was at the age of 16 he didn’t stop till I was 16!!! I felt gross and stupid because I told my mom several times and she never believed me she chose him over me!! Why?? He made my bf and I get married in 2009, then we came back to live here in the USA.
And now that I have 2 sisters younger than me one is 4 years old and the other is 9. I am his only child and I can never stop thinking about what he did, but I learned to forgive him and move on after all he is my father and God will judge him in the end. I have no place. And it only made me stronger, and made me the person I am today. I love both my parents with all my heart even thou they were really mean. I don’t know what I would do if I ever lost them.. I love them and I remind them every day … Life was really cruel to me, but I won’t give up, because I know I am not the first or the last that this has happened to. God had his reason I guess. I would like to know it thou. I stay strong, and I have learned how to live with it, although I never had the opportunity to know how it felt to lose your virginity to a bf… But I am not a ***** I was abused ok.
I had just lost my sister of 3 months old, I was the only child again, I was 8 years old at the time. My parents went through a really hard time for her loss, I had too. Until one day, one stupid unexpected day my father raped me… Why? I have no idea, I have been asking myself this over and over again throughout the years and yet no answer has been found. That day I lost my innocence and my most valued treasure my virginity. I still remember that day, and I remember feeling so disgusting with my friends in elementary, I felt like I had no place on this earth. I just prayed for God to take me away with my sister. It was a never ending nightmare, I later went on to Middle School and was really shy, I didn’t want to get to know people. And I have always been social; I've always liked making new friends. But this year was different for me, and in a way the same at home.
Things at home were out of control my dad drank Friday, Saturday and Sunday his friends were always trying to abuse me, none ever did thou thank God. I felt terrified being in my own home. My body started to go through puberty and I looked different, my mom was having an affair and later after 2 years of my sister’s death she had another girl, she was born healthy and was not my father’s child, I am the only one that is his. She always paid more attention to her and always left me with a neighbor, I felt like an outcast. In 7th grade I had my first real boyfriend, he was constantly after me for sex but I rejected him and said no, he then made up a story that we did have sex, and people would call me a ****. I didn’t care as long as they never found out how I lost my virginity. I never had the courage to call the police on my dad just because I felt in my heart like it was wrong and he was my father no matter what, I knew what he was doing was wrong, but I didn’t care as long as I didn’t have to see him put in jail. My mother walked in on him one day and she never brought it up or said a word about it.
He was always after me making sure I didn’t have boyfriends, he was over protective 1000% and never let me hang out with my friends, he would hit me and rape me whenever he got home drunk and my mom would kick him out of the room… He would come to my room and do his disgusting things to me, I remember one day I had a pregnancy scare, I tried killing myself that day I knew everyone would talk bad and hate me so I wanted to end it but I guess I wasn’t pregnant. He was scared too but that didn’t stop him, he raped me anywhere and at any time he wanted. He found out I had a boyfriend in 8th grade and took me out of school he made me drop out and made all of us go to live in Mexico, he still continued raping me. In 2007 my mother came back to the USA and she left me there with my dad alone he would tell me to run away with him and get married, L he would say that we could start a life together. I cried and begged God to take me now, but then my mom sent for me so I came back to the USA as well and my dad was mad and sad he tried coming too and as a result ended up in jail for something he owed over here. When I was here I felt free, like a new life was going to begin, my mom was back with her affair guy and got pregnant with his 2nd child, I got a boyfriend I had been crushing for years, and after a month of being here she told me one day. “Pack your things because we are going back to live in Mexico with your dad”. I cried and told her no she couldn't do that to us, to ME she said she didn’t care, I talked to my boyfriend and I told him about what my dad had done to me he begged me to tell my mom that maybe that would stop her, I said I couldn’t so I talked to my aunty and asked her if I could stay with her to live she said to talk to my mom. So I sat my mom down took a deep breath and told her EVERYTHING!!! She looked at me and said “You are a Effin liar that is not true I always took you for checkups and they never told me anything, he wouldn’t do that now pack your things and let’s go” I begged I cried and kicked and fought, and in the end it was no use she said I wasn’t 18 to make my own decisions and took me with her to Mexico, when we arrived my parents hugged and he hugged me I pushed him away and cried. He found out about my bf and said he was sorry about before and that he would change. He never did. He continued, and didn’t stop until he knew my bf was going to go see me and that was at the age of 16 he didn’t stop till I was 16!!! I felt gross and stupid because I told my mom several times and she never believed me she chose him over me!! Why?? He made my bf and I get married in 2009, then we came back to live here in the USA.
And now that I have 2 sisters younger than me one is 4 years old and the other is 9. I am his only child and I can never stop thinking about what he did, but I learned to forgive him and move on after all he is my father and God will judge him in the end. I have no place. And it only made me stronger, and made me the person I am today. I love both my parents with all my heart even thou they were really mean. I don’t know what I would do if I ever lost them.. I love them and I remind them every day … Life was really cruel to me, but I won’t give up, because I know I am not the first or the last that this has happened to. God had his reason I guess. I would like to know it thou. I stay strong, and I have learned how to live with it, although I never had the opportunity to know how it felt to lose your virginity to a bf… But I am not a ***** I was abused ok.
By:
princesssparkles
Age:
18-21
,
Female
