How I Became The Person I Am Today

Parents.  They’re supposed to be the greatest joy in your life, your strength and pride. Well for me they were, ever since I was a little girl I remember all my birthday parties, holidays and weekends out together. I felt like nothing and no one could ever hurt me when I was with them, I felt like I was the center of the universe, well their universe that is. Sadly all that changed.
I had just lost my sister of 3 months old, I was the only child again, I was 8 years old at the time. My parents went through a really hard time for her loss, I had too. Until one day, one stupid unexpected day my father raped me… Why? I have no idea, I have been asking myself this over and over again throughout the years and yet no answer has been found. That day I lost my innocence and my most valued treasure my virginity. I still remember that day, and I remember feeling so disgusting with my friends in elementary, I felt like I had no place on this earth. I just prayed for God to take me away with my sister. It was a never ending nightmare, I later went on to Middle School and was really shy, I didn’t want to get to know people. And I have always been social; I've always liked making new friends. But this year was different for me, and in a way the same at home.
Things at home were out of control my dad drank Friday, Saturday and Sunday his friends were always trying to abuse me, none ever did thou thank God. I felt terrified being in my own home. My body started to go through puberty and I looked different, my mom was having an affair and later after 2 years of my sister’s death she had another girl, she was born healthy and was not my father’s child, I am the only one that is his. She always paid more attention to her and always left me with a neighbor, I felt like an outcast. In 7th grade I had my first real boyfriend, he was constantly after me for sex but I rejected him and said no, he then made up a story that we did have sex, and people would call me a ****. I didn’t care as long as they never found out how I lost my virginity. I never had the courage to call the police on my dad just because I felt in my heart like it was wrong and he was my father no matter what, I knew what he was doing was wrong, but I didn’t care as long as I didn’t have to see him put in jail. My mother walked in on him one day and she never brought it up or said a word about it. 

He was always after me making sure I didn’t have boyfriends, he was over protective 1000% and never let me hang out with my friends, he would hit me and rape me whenever he got home drunk and my mom would kick him out of the room… He would come to my room and do his disgusting things to me, I remember one day I had a pregnancy scare, I tried killing myself that day I knew everyone would talk bad and hate me so I wanted to end it but I guess I wasn’t pregnant. He was scared too but that didn’t stop him, he raped me anywhere and at any time he wanted. He found out I had a boyfriend in 8th grade and took me out of school he made me drop out and made all of us go to live in Mexico, he still continued raping me. In 2007 my mother came back to the USA and she left me there with my dad alone he would tell me to run away with him and get married, L he would say that we could start a life together. I cried and begged God to take me now, but then my mom sent for me so I came back to the USA as well and my dad was mad and sad he tried coming too and as a result ended up in jail for something he owed over here. When I was here I felt free, like a new life was going to begin, my mom was back with her affair guy and got pregnant with his 2nd child, I got a boyfriend I had been crushing for years, and  after a month of being here she told me one day. “Pack your things because we are going back to live in Mexico with your dad”. I cried and told her no she couldn't do that to us, to ME she said she didn’t care, I talked  to my boyfriend and I told him about what my dad had done to me he begged me to tell my mom that maybe that would stop her, I said I couldn’t so I talked to my aunty and asked her if I could stay with her to live she said to talk to my mom. So I sat my mom down took a deep breath and told her EVERYTHING!!! She looked at me and said “You are a Effin liar that is not true I always took you for checkups and they never told me anything, he wouldn’t do that now pack your things and let’s go” I begged I cried and kicked and fought, and in the end it was no use she said I wasn’t 18 to make my own decisions and took me with her to Mexico, when we arrived my parents hugged and he hugged me I pushed him away and cried. He found out about my bf and said he was sorry about before and that he would change. He never did. He continued, and didn’t stop until he knew my bf was going to go see me and that was at the age of 16 he didn’t stop till I was 16!!! I felt gross and stupid because I told my mom several times and she never believed me she chose him over me!! Why?? He made my bf and I get married in 2009, then we came back to live here in the USA.

And now that I have 2 sisters younger than me one is 4 years old and the other is 9. I am his only child and I can never stop thinking about what he did, but I learned to forgive him and move on after all he is my father and God will judge him in the end. I have no place. And it only made me stronger, and made me the person I am today. I love both my parents with all my heart even thou they were really mean. I don’t know what I would do if I ever lost them.. I love them and I remind them every day … Life was really cruel to me, but I won’t give up, because I know I am not the first or the last that this has happened to. God had his reason I guess. I would like to know it thou. I stay strong, and I have learned how to live with it, although I never had the opportunity to know how it felt to lose your virginity to a bf… But I am not a ***** I w
as abused ok. 
princesssparkles princesssparkles
18-21, F
7 Responses Oct 6, 2011

I never met someone as strong as you. I'd probably would have broke down so many times and who knows if I'd had done a mad thing or suicide or I donno...<br />
You're a survivor now, a free person, and even if you won't know how it's to lose virginity with a bf, you've became a wonderful person.<br />
If someday you need a friend or someone to talk... I'll be here!

Hi Great Story<br />
its a shame what happens to us when we are younger makes us the people we are today i was raped by a family member at a young age i was 7 or 8 it changes us.<br />
if you ever need a chat please feel free xwould love to have you as a friend X

Thank you for sharing your story. You are obviously a strong woman because of all that you have gone through. Many people would have cracked and fallen apart from that type of abuse but you survived it. <br />
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I grew up with an abusive mother so I know what it's like to have screwed up parents. I also worked for three years as a crisis intervention counselor talking with and helping people like yourself who had suffered sexual violence and domestic violence. Your story is heartbreaking and incredible and it was very good of you to share it. I know that it wasn't easy to think about all of those horrible things again. Your story may help someone else on EP who might be going through the same thing that you went through. <br />
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It's important that you know that NONE of this is your fault. You are absolutely not to blame in anyway. You were a child, you have no control over what others do. Your father was an adult and he should have known better. He is very wrong for what he did to you. What amazes me about you is that you were actually able to forgive him. That's something that I have never been able to do with my mother or father and I likely never will. Anyhow, it's important that you remember the abuse is not your fault. <br />
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You are a bright, strong and beautiful woman and you have your whole life ahead of you. If you could handle this, then you could probably handle anything. Take care.

Thank you... :)

You are an incredibly brave person...and an incredibly beautiful woman. It's so good to see that things in your life are getting better. <br />
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After reading your story I realized that I take so many things for granted. I wish you the best!

Thank you, that's very kind of you. I'm sorry you feel that way thou.. Hope your life will get better or you can do something about it.. :) Wish you the best as well..

u are strong ,and courageous, this kind of behaviour have to be forgiven but never forgetten.<br />
even if he's your dad you should tell someone and make sure he doesnt touch any of ur other sister.<br />
i am mad just thinking this man is in the street.

oh sweetie. I just want to put my arms around you and hold you close. You are an amazingly strong young woman to go through such and hell and not let it ruin your life or ability to love. I pray that you find much peace in your life from this moment on. :)

I've been needing that.. But just through your words is more than enough, you give me something i begged from my mother so i am grateful thank you, means so much, And i pray too, Thanx again

wrapping my arms around you.... :( It breaks my heart to know that your mother wasn't there to protect and comfort you. You are amazingly resilient and your life to the fullest and don't be defined by your past. HUGS!

I just want to tell you that I think you are amazing. And strong.<br />
Thank you for sharing. <br />
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You are a beautiful woman inside and out.

:) Thank you, took me a lot to get where i am today.. Thank you... A loooot