Does Anyone Really Give a Hoot?

I am in a terribly complex situation boarding with my partner & son in my daughter & son in law's home. We first moved here to help my daughter out with the kids so she could go back to work and sort out their financial situation. Its been almost 3yrs now and we shouldve moved out years ago, but my partner has been abusing me emotionally and physically which is the only reason why I wouldnt move out. I feel safe here and is scared to move into a place with him. My daughter knows about this but she has demanded we move out. I cant talk to her about anything as she couldnt be bothered and is more interested in her circle of friends that she hangs with from work and goes out a lot leaving me with the kids. I know I am being used by her and her partner but I am using them too for a safe haven. I cry alot feeling sorry for myself if you like. So I have to weigh up all my options. If I stay here I get emotionally abused by my daughter? if I move out with my partner I get physically and emotionally abused by him? I'd rather get abused by my partner, I can handle that cos its been happening for 30yrs but what I cant handle is the abuse from my own daughter. I live a sad and lonely life and have no idea how to handle or get out of it? I have no personal friends my partner makes sure of that, and no one to talk to. I know I need help but don't know where or who to ask? 

Snowflake09 Snowflake09
46-50, F
8 Responses Mar 19, 2009

hi snowflake, i hope by the time this reaches you, you have been able to make a stand for yourself, the above writers are correct in saying you need to get out and to turn to a phone book, but there is another option one i didnt know about until i was where you are, the hospital, your primary physian. I took my son in for a regular check up and told his pediatrician what was going on in the home, he asked me if i had a safe place to go and if not he could get me and my son to one in 10 mins. i was fortunte enough that i was able to get out of the relationship with relative ease, i still had problems and nothing the police could or would help with, but i was patient, kept changing my locks and he got busted and is on supervised release and for over a year now, all is well, i met a truelly decent guy who knows everything and still loves me AND treats my son as his own and loves him whole heartly. if you want to talk please feel free to message me on here, like you some of the gory details i have left out. but i think you can figure these out. hugs, and best wishes brandy

Hello Snowflake,<br />
<br />
You are very welcome : )<br />
<br />
I'm sure if you ask your neighbors or look in your local phone book, you'll be able to find at least one Safe House or Women's Shelter or Homeless Shelter that you could go to. I hope you can find a Women's Shelter, because it will be safer for you. They are all trained in helping you and keeping you safe from those trying to hurt you.<br />
<br />
Don't blame yourself, because that is exactly what the person abusing you wants you to do. That makes their job much easier. Don't give them the satisfaction.<br />
<br />
Just get out of there as soon as you can. No one deserves to be treated like you have been.<br />
<br />
God Bless You,<br />
LK

Thank you LK :) that was what I was looking for help with. I should've made myself more clear I spose :( sorry readers, but I do appreciate all your comments and have taken it all on board. Its a kick in the right direction that I'm looking for. We moved to Australia a few years ago to make a new start but obviously it isnt working for me. I have been accused of being the (enabler or its your fault for stayin in the relationship blah blah blah) I need guidence to get out, I've suffered my fair share of blame, which just pushes everything back to the emotional abuse crap. I live in Melb and just don't know what is available to me in regards to councelling or a safe house. I will keep trying. Thanks all

Hi Snowflake,<br />
<br />
I've read all of the comments other's have sent to you and feel there is something missing. They are all telling you to get out, but now how to do it. So MAYBE I can help with that.<br />
<br />
Please look in your local phone book and find a Women's Center or Safe House or somewhere like that. When the time is right and no one is in your house, just pack up your things and go there. They are well trained to protect you and help you get back on your feet again, to a new and hopefully nonabusive life. I know it's extremely difficult for you and so very scary to leave, but if you don't, you'll never know how good of a life you could have had, or what it feels like to be able to stop being abused. No one should be treated this way.<br />
<br />
Good Luck & God Bless,<br />
LK

I agree - I believe that you need to stand firm and find yourself. You do not need to be emotionally abused.

Yea and I know the odds are that you will stick to what you know. I honestly hope you will drink a full pot of coffee and get all amped up and go for it and get rid of the garbage! LOL<br />
<br />
Keep in touch <br />
R

Thank you for your comment Randy much appreciated and you're right there is more details to my story but I think readers will get the jest of it. Well you did! you hit it right on the nail. I have to keep reading and reading your comment over and over so I can make it stick in my head. The ball is in my court and I understand the choices I have to make. Thank you for your wishes :)

Well snowflake, we both have been around the block for some time. There are some facts your not giving, am I right? Some details? - No need. We can still talk.<br />
<br />
You are in a comfortable rut, and you have stayed there even if it means getting abused by your partner as you call him, because it is stable and normal. - Its a routine. I suspect it may have been learned since you were a kid, huh?<br />
<br />
I am not being mean. I am telling it to you strait as an adult. You allowed this to go on. You might try to say that your too old to change but . . . - is it really abuse when you allow abuse to go on for 30 years or is it some sort of relationship now? <br />
I know it is far too easy for me to say this, but you need to get out of that cycle of thinking and get away from those who hurt you. You need to hold yourself up higher. Higher than others see you. <br />
Once you see yourself as crap, then everyone will jump in and crap on you. <br />
If you see yourself as something more and you treat yourself that way, then others will respect that. But damage done, those who see you as crap will continue to crap on you.<br />
<br />
Pardon how I express myself, but seriously, the power is within you to move forward. Unload that partner guy of yours and get out of your daughters house. If you can make it on your own, then do so. It is time to take charge. If you can’t do it on your own, seek help. God only knows there are people willing to help those like yourself. Just ask around. Hell no it ain't easy, but you know and I know there is a way. But are you ready to make the change? That is the question. Change is scary. But without it you don't move forward. <br />
<br />
I would say the ball is in your court snowflake. Not easy choices, but what choice do you have right now?<br />
Think it over well. <br />
<br />
Good luck and best wishes from one who gave a hoot.