A Shield Or A Knife?

I really don't know how to control it. I used to be open and show feelings. Know over the years it's changed. It changed me. I learned that showing feelings is show of vulnerability and it can be a weapon for a lot of people.

People took advantage of my kindness and be being open. I tried not to think about it and say that it was something else. Sadly, it slowly it started destroying me little by little. I started to close and stopped showing feelings and became what I am today.

Sometimes it really helps, I give no advantage to those who try to harm me and then it made it harder for them to hurt.

For some other times though, when I want to be able to show emotion, I can't. It's hard to and I think I've forgotten how. Being considered a young age and knowing I have time to try to remember is something that I know I can't accomplish.

I still very much feel emotions, but I just can't express them. Instead of being of only protection, it's also a weapon that stabs in the back when I really want to express to those who I really care about how I really feel, but I simply can't.

It hurts that I can't and 'til today I don't know what would happen when I would really need to....