Kinda Do And Then Again...

Sometimes I feel alone, that it's just me and nobody else. I've not got much family just my mom and sister. My dad's side of the family don't come around or let alone even know I exsist. I got another sister that has done nothing for me. And our realtionship is like me meeting a stranger on the side of the road. And I got a husband that I really love but sometimes I get a little insecure. And I love his side of the family. I'll have to say that alot of people don't get along with their in-laws and they don't get along with them. But I have a great relationship with what people I've met in his family. I have a friend I text sometimes but I don't get to see her like I want to. I don't have a car and can't get around. And I have nobody to really come around and see me. Except one neighbor but she does stuff for other people and she's also seeing someone too. Sometimes I just sit around all alone with nothing to do. I wish I had friends that I could call on the phone and talk to or they would come see me every now and then. I really feel like I have nobody but my husband and he's the only friend I have around close by.
tngurl25 tngurl25
26-30, F
1 Response Jan 11, 2013

If you're only gonna have one friend, that's a good one to have. And you have a neighbor and decent in-laws. I'm not bagging on you, I'm envious. Well except for the husband part.
My ex-girlfriend and I broke up a few months ago and I'm still reeling from it. It wouldn't be so bad if I had some people to talk to. What I'm trying to say is I understand loneliness. And I know it manifests in many forms.
I did notice your username tngurl25. Is that tennessee gurl25? And if so, were you affected by the floods in 2010?
Anyway, try to keep your chin up.

there's times i feel like with my husband i come second or third, yeah tngurl25 is meant for tennessee and no the part i'm from didn't affect me as bad just alot of rain but it affected nashville alot and other surrounding areas

I lost my house and everything in it because of that flood. I almost lost my life. Two neighbors on my street died. Fema tore my house down.
I don't know what to say about your husband other than I'm sorry. You should ALWAYS be first.

well he's got 2 little girls and i can understand putting them first but where his friends are concerned i feel like they come before me alot. i love him i just wish he would understand and consider my feelings sometimes. and take up for me every now and then.

Do his daughters live with you and your husband? If they do then I'll bet you are with them as much as he is. You should be respected for your role in the family. If they predominately live with their mother then it's on him to maintain the balance when they are there.
I have been in your situation. Felt like the outsider in the house. I was asked to be the male/father figure (my situation the ***** donor wasn't in the picture at all) but as long as I was the atm for gifts, movies, etc, it was ok. I was accepted. But when circumstances dictated me saying "no, we can't do a movie this weekend, or you can't get that outfit right now, etc", well then I got a lot of "you're not my daddy".
And my ex-gf, their mother, never backed me when the tough decisions were for the good of the household/family.
But what really pissed me off was if me and the ex had a disagreement or argument, she actually would use her kids against me to get her way.
Something I never understood and still don't is the conventional thinking that kids come first over the non-parental spouse. KIDS AND SPOUSE ARE TWO DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIPS!!!! If a parent is treating a child like a spouse, well that's stupid and sick. If a parent is treating a spouse like a child, then they are an ***!!! And there is a real good possibility it will distort the children's adult view of family. If your husband thought you weren't suitable to be an equal in your family/household, then THAT IS WHEN HE SHOULD HAVE PUT HIS KIDS FIRST, bit the bullet and not married you and brought you into their lives. Otherwise, he needs to treat you as his wife, an EQUAL in the house/family and treat his kids as KIDS. Different relationships. It is NOT about they are more important than you or vice-versa, it's about being equally important in different ways. And if he is going to numerically rank yall, then make him rank the kids as well. Which one he likes first and which one he likes second and when he refuses to do it and gets mad at you, that is when you'll know he realizes he's wrong.
And considering the other issue is he sometimes puts you behind his friends, and doesn't take up for you/ have your back, whether with his friends, family, or kids...that's inexcusable.
And lastly, the car (you don't have), you have to figure out if it is a financial thing or a control thing.
I'm a little close (figuratively of course) to your situation because I twisted in a very similar one. There were so many things that struck me wrong in mine. And by the way, I was NOT a tyrant, or abusive, or controlling, or generally an *** in any way. I was a good adult figure, a good teacher, and helped them solve problems for themselves but stepped in when they couldn't . I'm sorry this was so lengthy. I just felt I could offer some insight on this. All this happened to me and I was the "bread-winner" of the house/family.
If your situation is not this bad or intense...good. just keep it in mind. My situation wasn't that intense in the early stages either.
Again, sorry so lengthy. I really hope none of this ever applies to you and this "BOOK" I just wrote is all for not. Take care of you and your family and good luck with it all.
If you want to reply, good or bad, feel free. If you do reply, I'll try stay off my soapbox, listen, and not bore you with a long-winded diatribe. Ok?
Good luck TNGURL25. I'm rooting for you.

my problem with him is his friends, i feel like he always puts them above me and protects their feelings over mine and covers for them. me and him got into it tonight about that subject and he said i was paranoid, i feel like i rank dead last in his life like i don't matter and neither does my feelings and i feel like he never takes up for me of coarse i've had nobody to ever take up for me before on anything, that's where i feel like i'm alone like it's just me against the world :'(

Oh believe me, the "me against the world" thing I completely understand. Hell, I'm there now. Just not in a relationship. Which makes your feeling that way quite saddening. You should never feel like that while in a marriage/relationship.
When his friends are around, does he ignore you, treat you like a subordinate, or allow you to be the but of their jokes? Or something else? None of it is ok. He should be letting them know, by actions or words, that you are his queen. At least that is my opinion. Sorry you had a bad night. Maybe today will be better??
Right now where I'm at in tn it's raining hard. These days, a hard rain certainly gets my attention.
Hope you're ok.

no but it's like in his eyes they don't do wrong, like for example last night he had one come over about 10:30 and he knocked on the door and then pulled on the handle like he was trying to come in but luckly it was locked. and this makes the second time this guy has done that. and i think it's very rude to knock on someones door and then attempt to come in anyway. and it made me mad and he seen it did for the second time. i told him that if this guy keeps on doing that i'll be the one who opens that door next. and he got mad and said again he wasn't trying to come in that it was just the screen door. i know what it sounds like when someone put their hand on a handle and attempts to turn the handle. and i told him that and he got mad and said i'm too paranoid and i said no i just call it that i don't want anyone coming in stealing my ****. it's like he took up for that guy and this guy's up to no good anyway. right now it's cloudy and rainy looking, they're giving out flash flood warnings but right now it's not doing anything but the wind's blowing though.

4 More Responses